This is a very sad and troubling situation. Basically, he has misled you all these years. He hasn't been forthright and honest. He pretended he wanted to get married, even created children's names and now suddenly as the time get closer he turns it all around.
Why would you want to stay in this situation? Not only can it lead nowhere, but you never know when he'll just again, decide, that it's completely over. You have every right to have the respect and security of a marriage and family. You are just wasting your time remaining with this individual.
Of course it is difficult to let go, not only of him, your circle of friends but of the dreams you had of the two of you together. There is a kind of
Please listen to his words and don't kid yourself by chalking it up to cold feet or thoughts that he will change his mind. He was specific with you. Now can you live with him, never getting married?
Have a serious discussion with him about what you both expect. If you want marriage, you're entitled to have it - with a guy who wants to give it to you. I have a difficult time believing this guy wants kids but not a marriage certificate giving you both legal and societal benefits with one another. Weird. To me that's like saying, "yes I want to have kids with you but I don't really want to be locked into staying with you afterward"
If he really doesn't want marriage then I don't think this is worth holding on to. There's a lot of merit in being married, and you deserve to have the life you want to lead.
I understand where you're coming from especially as far as finding an apartment... I just think that saying "you have three months to decide whether or not you want to get married" is putting a lot of undue pressure on him and it will probably skew his answer. He's going to use that time to pressure himself into wanting marriage, and if he ends up saying "yes that's what I want," it's probably going to be a less-than-genuine answer. Again I understand you just want to be sure but I just don't think you'll get the "right" answer from this tactic
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This is a very sad and troubling situation. Basically, he has misled you all these years. He hasn't been forthright and honest. He pretended he wanted to get married, even created children's names and now suddenly as the time get closer he turns it all around.
Why would you want to stay in this situation? Not only can it lead nowhere, but you never know when he'll just again, decide, that it's completely over. You have every right to have the respect and security of a marriage and family. You are just wasting your time remaining with this individual.
Of course it is difficult to let go, not only of him, your circle of friends but of the dreams you had of the two of you together. There is a kind of
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Welcome to the board moxie45,
With or without marriage are you happy were you are?
Welcome to the board moxie45,
I have to same questions as Carrie. Would you be happy if you never got married? Does he still want to have children?
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What is there for him to think about after four years together?
Have a serious discussion with him about what you both expect. If you want marriage, you're entitled to have it - with a guy who wants to give it to you. I have a difficult time believing this guy wants kids but not a marriage certificate giving you both legal and societal benefits with one another. Weird. To me that's like saying, "yes I want to have kids with you but I don't really want to be locked into staying with you afterward"
If he really doesn't want marriage then I don't think this is worth holding on to. There's a lot of merit in being married, and you deserve to have the life you want to lead.
In my original posting I said:
I have agreed to give him some more time to think about this
Its not exactly something I feel like rushing, so I think 3 months or so is a good amount of time.
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