domestic abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
domestic abuse
2
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:31pm
For 8 years, verbally and in writing, have asked my husband to help his now 10 year old son, to learn to go to sleep on his own. At first, it was, he is too little, 18 months old. Then it became "I am not ready to put him in his own room." "I hated to sleep alone when I was little and so does my son". (The child is my stepson). At the age of 7 1/2, my husband finally "made a bedroom" for his son. The child had slept in the bed with us until this point. Most of the time, I ended up on the sofa or sleeping alone upstairs in a bedroom. As noted, I have spoken with my husband, become angry, written to my husband about the inappropriateness of a child sharing our bed. Since the age of 7 and 1/2 either my husband or I have to lay down with him (in the childs bed) to get him to go to sleep. Whichever one of us does this, also falls alseep. I have been made to think I am crazy for desiring to sleep alone with my husband. Nothing has had an effect on the childs father. While on vacation, my husband filled the jaccuzi and asked his son and I to join him. I lost it, got very angry, used profane language, began to gather my belongings from the master suite to move to the connecting room. They were in the jaccuzi and I said, you can bath together and sleep together for the rest of your lives, I moving, I tired of being ignored, do not distrub me for any reason. The last trip I made, my husband followed me into the walk-in closet. I attempted to leave, he blocked the door with his body, grabbed my arms roughly pushed me against the closet wall. This happened a total of 3 times. The last time I tried to open the door, his body against it, he said "you need to be bitch slapped." I screamed, if you touch me again, you will never see-----(his son) again. He let go and I left. He followed me to the other room, did not hear his son's screams until I asked him to go take care of him.

Am I crazy, nuts, odd...to think a child, now 10, should be able to sleep on his own. Is it wrong to think that the adults should be able to go to sleep, alone together. That the example being set by his father shows no respect for a wife or women in general.

Needless to say, we are not together at this point. The only communication has been via email to request my husband enter counseling immediately. His response lacked any understanding of the abusive behavior--physically and emotionally. That for counseling to be effective, we both need to go.

Advise please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: i_zees
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:15pm
You both need to go if you want the marriage to work but that is for couples counseling. He needs additional anger management counseling.

You did the right thing by leaving. I feel sorry for his son though

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
In reply to: i_zees
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:45pm
Thanks for your response.