don't know how to help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
don't know how to help
1
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 6:41pm
i have this really great boyfriend. He treats me like a queen and his is so special...so you might see why i love him so much. I really do think he is as close to perfect as he can get. Of course he is not perfect, like for example, he doesnt have much to say, so we ussually have akward silent moments (after we update eachother on our day, we have nothing to talk about). I try not to let that be an issue, maily because i think that we have already talked eachother out; i mean, we would talk for hours during the first months dating, now 2 years later we know all we need to know about eachother, and rarely anything new happens. Anyhow, the other we had a 2 hour conversation because he is feeling very insecure. we are bothe really young and at that point in college where we have to declare majors and decide once and for all what the hell we are doing. i know what i want but he doesnt. His dad is a judge and his mom is a psychologist, so he feels he has to be something of that importance but, first of all, non of that interests him, and secondly he feels he is not smart enough to be anything of importance. He believes this because he is not doing well w/ grades. He really is incredibly smart, and the reason he doesnt do to well is because he works fulltime and goes to school full time. i t4ried to explain to him that under those conditions no one would do good, which is true. He see's that i get A's and B's but i only work one day a week and take 4 classes.

Anyhow, i need help trying to get his self esteem up. i dont know what to say. i know he wont get help for his issues, so i want to try to help him by making him see how smart he really is ( iam terrible w/ using examples due to my bad memory). how can i make him see how great he really is and make him feel better and be more confident in himself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 7:51pm
Since his father is a judge and his mother is a psychologist, he has some pretty big shoes to fill. He is young and can't yet see just how good he is. We generally need to grow old before we can appreciate ourselves.

If he works full-time and goes to school full-time, he can't possibly make high grades. Until he sees that, he will continue to feel that he should do better.

Sometimes others see us in a better light than we see ourselves.

I hope he sees the light. All you can do is to keep telling him that he is working too hard and doing too much to do all he wants to do.