don't know if I'm doing the right thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
don't know if I'm doing the right thing
2
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:16am

It's been two year of relationship this the only time I met his daughter 11 yr old. I was so glad cuz it means we're getting close to the next stage. He is never been married and got separated fr. commonlaw partner who's been with him for ten year,the cause of separation is her ex-girlfriend got pregnant by someone else.

Until now I haven't meet his parents,sister or brother. Im 35 and he is 40. I wanted to settle down and hopefully to get pregnant someday.I'm single and wanted to have a so called family of my own,included his child is very much love and welcome for me. I asked him whether getting pregnant first before marriage is okey with me cuz I'm getting old. After I met his daughter once,I never see her again. He still continuing dividing his schedule to me and her daughter instead of 3 of us together. About settling down for him he said to me "I CANNOT LIVE MY LIFE WITH A GUN AT MY HEAD.CONSTANTLY MEETING ALL THE EXPECTATIONS YOU,YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE SET FOR ME." He even told me "if he gonna love me more he gonna loose his daughter" which makes me confuse.He said his ex-gf might do something against me and her daughter to get reluctant with him. I asked him if he don't have plans for both of us, we better parted ways so I can move on but he said to me he'll let his daughter to get close to me gradually but the last time I met his daughter was 2 months ago. We had a nice meeting,I got no problems when I met her.

Since then, I changed my mood. I don't know if I'm doing everything right. I seldom say I love you word and when I stopped saying those words he also stop saying it to me. I never so responsive with his feelings anymore,sometimes not answering the phone call.Try to let him wonder,never demand on anything,never show I'm upset, but just to accept. It's like whenever,whatever I'm here for him as company but tryin to distance myself and not too showy on my feelings anymore. Do you think he will realize what's going on with the relationship? All I want is for him to realize...but I don't know..sometimes it's hurting me deeply,I don't know if he is hurting too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:02am
I am assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that you have had a talk regarding marriage and having kids together someday. What does he say about all of this? Does he want to marry you in the future? I'm not trying to put the rush on, but he is 40 and you are 35 and you've been together for 2 years already. If it's going to happen and you want to be pregnant it should probably be soon, yet he still doesn't seem like he's ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:44pm
I don't think it is a bad thing for him to take his time introducing you to his child but he does owe you a calm where-are-we-going talk. If you feel that he won't change and you won't be satisfied with the way things are and he doesn't want to get married or have more kids then maybe you should think about moving on.