Dont know what to believe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Dont know what to believe
18
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 1:29pm

I am at my wits end and dont know what to think anymore.

I have been married to my husband for nearly 4 years , dated for 2 years prior to that . We've always had a great friendship and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 1:40pm
Some more info that might be of any help. We dont have kids but I want one. My husband wanted to have when we were dating and now he brushes off the idea .

I want to feel a woman !! I want a husband who has sex with his wife and a baby to become a mother to . Its a big dream for me as like many other women.
Last night he came, I initiated, he pushed my arm away , turned his back on me and slept off ' I am tired ' ! This morning before going to work he kissed me goodbye , a very passionate one ! How do I match these two things?
He is just 28 years ! Will I have to live in a sexless marriage ?
Anyone help !!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 2:35pm

You might want to also post this on the 'Mismatched Libidos' board.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 6:24pm
Is it possible he's having an affair or watching too much porn and taking care of himself instead of coming to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 6:32pm
It could be a medical problem. If he won't mention it to his doctor (he might be embarrassed or ashamed) then you should. Has he talked to a doctor?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 12:16am

Sexless marriages aren't unheard of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 6:07am
Thanx ! I did .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 6:10am
I have asked him if he is having an affair, he says no. I have thought about it but then figure , he isnt .
He does watch porn , even I used to watch with him but not any longer. Earlier it used to lead by him coming all over me and doing the real thing but thats not happening now .
Thanx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 6:15am
When I say that we fight a lot , its only when I bring up this issue . If I dont bring it up, we dont fight over anything. We get along very well except for this issue.I hope I made it clear.

You are right , we live like a brother and sister except with passionate kisses , grabing my ass and fingering me BUT not doing the real thing .

Him being ' tired' all the time seems like an excuse to not have sex because if I told him , lets go a walk in the park even at 10.30 pm, he will quickly hop out of his bed , change clothes and we walk hand in hand in the park .

I dont think he has a medical issue either .
Thanx for your reply anywho !
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 7:51am
So when he watches porn, does he get aroused and keep an erection? If so, I think you're right that it's not a medical problem. Typically, I think medical problems make it difficult for one to get or keep an erection so if he has no problems there, I don't think it's medical.

I also think unless there are other signs of an affair, he's probably not having one.

It could still be that he is just tired and stressed. Going for a walk is not the same as having sex. A leisurely stroll is relaxing. Sex takes a lot of energy - probably even more than masturbating to porn. With sex, you also have the added pressure of "performing" and satisfying your partner and he may just feel he doesn't have the energy for all that. Maybe he's watching porn because he just wants quick gratification because it's all he has the energy for.

Otherwise, I'm inclined to think it's psychological, in which case he should really see a therapist. Have either of you considered this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 11:33am

If you really want to find a solution, then you need to get answers from him.

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