don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
don't know what to do
6
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 11:29am

First of all I'm new to this forum and site ... so hello.


Here is my situation. My bf and I met 2 years ago. He was 23 and I was 30. The age difference never really bothered me ... but it was something that I considered before our relationship started.


When we started dating everything was good ... we had the same interests and the same goals.


We moved in with one another and continued to be a perfect couple. We always laughed and were people constantly commented about how in love we are.


Fast forward a year and a half. We started a business together. He stays at home and runs it full time and I work a 9 to 5 until our business starts earning money.


The problem is - im super jealous - he gets to sleep as long as he wants. His friends come during the day to hang out, he doesn't have a care in the world. I get upset because I hate my 9 to 5 and I want to be home running the business with him.


So know that my jealousy has kicked into high gear - I'm angry. If someone comes over at night, I start yelling that I have to get some sleep and they need to leave. If he touch a beer, I start yelling saying it must be nice to be able to do whatever you want.


I don't want to hurt him - I love him - But I have become so miserable and I feel like he is not helping me change my situation. When he wanted to leave his job, I worked harder so he could. I don't know how to end this negative attitude I have and help him see that he needs to take more responsibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:26pm

Welcome to the board jeces,


Have you talked to him and told him how you are feeling?


Maybe you both could get part time jobs so that each of you gets the opportunity to spend some time at home and you wouldn't be as stressed out.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:31pm
Thank you - we have talked in depth about it. He says that one day he will take care of me but right now this is what we have to do in order to get the business off the ground. I do understand what he is saying but I'm still can't let go of the anger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:35pm
Have you considered some individual counseling to help you let go of this anger?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:39pm

How is the business going to take off if he is sleeping in and having friends over?


I think perhaps if you sit down with him and lay down some expectations to go with the business you might feel a lot better about the situation.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:42pm
yes - i am seeing someone right now. I guess i feel like since I am older - that I should be able to go after my goals first - i know it's kind of selfish to say that. But I feel like I am taking care of everything, money, the house, cleaning, laundry, and still devoting as much time to our business - while he only has the one thing to concetrate on - so of course he can be ok - he is always rested and having fun. Now don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, super smart, very sweet, but does not understand why i just can't accept things as they are right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 1:44pm

If he can sleep in while you are out every day earning the living for both of you as well as putting in time on the business, it's time for him to take over the house, the cleaning, and the laundry. This may require him to get up earlier, so he will be able to get his home responsibilities taken care of before he sits down to the computer.

As far as the business itself goes, he may not have a clear realization of how much time he is (or isn't) devoting to it. I have worked at jobs that were doing time studies, and every day we all had to keep a log, in ink, of what we did: 9:00 - 9:10 on phone with ABC Co--they want 1000 widgets; 9:10 - 9:30 type widget order and fax to warehouse; 9:30 - 9:45 review designs for ultra-widgets and email comments to R&D, etc. He needs to do the same thing, whether he is seeking customers (keep a list) or making sales (keep a list), you are entitled to see the records of what's going on. He may see from keeping this log that he needs to pick up the pace or limit visits from his friends. You may see that he's doing more than you had been thinking he was doing, or that he's just been lazing around, which is obviously what you suspect--and so, to be frank, would I.