Don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Don't know what to do
2
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 7:14pm
My 17 year old stepson suffered a gun shot wound in the neck approximately 10 months ago he also suffered a stroke. He has been out of the hospital for approximately 6 months. He's doing much better however he is now confined to a wheel chair. My problem is my stepson's mother and I really don't get along, so once my stepson left the hospitial I have not been to her home to visit at all. I have met my stepson and husband at the movies a few times but that's about it. My husband goes over to see his son at least 5 days per week. Since my stepson has progressed great and is now able to go places, I have asked my husband to start bringing him to our home for visits. He has indicated he does not have everything he needs at our house to spend the night. I advised if he could not stay all night, just bring him for the day but my husband refuses. He has basically shut me out of everything since this whole thing happened and just won't communicate with me at all. I'm home just about every evening alone and I spend most weekends by myself. I'm not sure if I should just move on or what I should really do at this point since my husband is not willing to bring his son to our home. My husband and I hardly communicate at all. We do not talk through out the day we just stay in the same home and share a bed. Please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 8:09pm

I know you've spoken to him about bringing his son to your home, but have you spoken to him about how your marriage is drawing apart? That is an issue that should be resolved separately. You shouldn't threaten to leave if you're not sure you want to, but maybe if you mention that you've considered the possibility at times it will serve as a wake-up call to him that he needs to pay more attention to the marriage.

He could also be depressed because of his sons problems and withdrawing may be his way of coping with it. Have you tried to offer him emotional support, and to let him know you are there for him if he wants to talk or anything?

I think marriage counseling would be a good idea. I would try at least asking if he is willing to go. If he says no, you might want to still see one by yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:44pm
I'm sorry that your family has had to go through this, and it's great that you want to be involved and care! You said that you have some communication problems with your husband. Have you tried to talk to him about why he doesn't think that your son should be at the house? (If he needs medical equipment, perhaps you could even rent some for a month. You could call the vendor who supplied whatever he has at home and see if you can negotiate a fair price. I've worked with these vendors, and they will usually offer a discount if you ask.) The whole experience with his son may have made him extremely protective. He may have been putting all of his eggs in one basket so to speak and may not even realize that he's not communicating with you. I'm sure it's been a stressful experience for all. Perhaps you could reassure him that you care and want to make sure that his son knows you care. This may have really taken a toll on him psychologically, and he might not fully realize it. I would try to sit down and talk about it, stressing your concern for his son. Good luck.