Don't Know What To Do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Don't Know What To Do!
1
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:54am
My husband and I have been married for 1year now. Before we got married everything was great we would go out, have fun, he would come over my house watch movies with me,we would go out to eat,we would talk on the computer for hours, and talk on the phone everyday. For valentines day he would buy me things and say happy valentines day sweety. Down the line I found out he had a son and that didn't bother me one bit.Then by the end of March he proposed to me and we got married in May and I got pregnant by him and had a son of my own. Everything was fine for a couple months and then it went downhill from there. The fights about little things started at first then arguments about raising his son and then arguments about raising my son.Then he tells me that I am nagging him and he needs space. So the next couple months I do that I give hime his space like he requested and it still wasn't good enough. My husband's friends called him up on night and asked him if he wanted to go out and play pool and he asked me if he could go out if it was alright with me. At the time his mother was at our apartment so I said "sweety I think you should call your friends up and tell them you are coming". He say "why" I say "Because I feel you need a night out to yourself tonight and you should go out and have fun there is not problem with you going out". Ever since he has been going out with his friends which is twice so far he came back to the house last night with some alcohol in his system and was acting like he was drunk making me think he was drunk because his speak was slurred, he could hardly stand, he was falling out of bed, and that made me think he was drunk. There are kids involved here and his son my step-son saw him act this way and I was what are you drunk. My son was sleep at the time. Now he feels he can go out anytime he wants to because he is a grown behind man and that I can't tell him he can't drink or go out because he is a grown man. Then we got into a fight on time because the first time he went out he brought 4 friends over the apartment at 1:45am and I was mad and I told him they had to be out by 2:30am one of his friends was talking about something nasty and that made me even angrier. So I say to my husband I am going over your moms house for a couple of hours because I do not want your friends in this apartment at 1:45am and I told he was selfish and inconsiderate, and cold, souless, heartless,etc. I called him out of his name hit him with a pillow to get his attention when I was talking to him because he was falling asleep on me this was 3:45am he grabs my shirt lifts me up in the air and body slams me on the floor. I know I was in the wrong for hiting him with a pillow but he was also in the wrong for body slamming me on the floor and this is not the first time he has put his hands on me. Everything has to be his way or nothing. Everything is about him he never thinks about what I want. My husband is so selfish, so incosiderate, so coldhearted, so souless, etc. He told me over the phone when I was at my moms house that if we didn't stop aruging that he was going to seperate from me because the kids were suffering. This is not the first time he said he was going to leave me. I am sick of being played with emotionally, I am sick of the constant fighting, I am sick of the arguing about little stupid things. I am just tired in general it feels like I am a mouse stuck in a box if I go straight I am stuck, If I go back I am stuck, If a go sideways I am stuck. It just feels like no matter what I say, no matter how I act, no matter how I dress, and no matter what I do its a problem with him. Everything is a problem and he like to make little things into big things. He like to dramatize things also like a woman. Then communcation on his part is bad he lack communication skills. Then he only wants to talk about subjects when he wants to and then the subject is closed. Then he does and doctor Jekell and Mr.Hyde act on me I don't know which personality I am going to get. My husband is stubbourn,stupid,slow, selfish, inconsiderate,etc. I feel like I am stuck in a rock and a hard play because I am always first to apologize for things I didn't even do. I have to ask him for an apology he can't admit when he is wrong. I feel sad and I don't know what to do? Can somebody please help me out here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 4:25pm
Sorry you have to go through this, please consider posting on the domestic abuse board for more help, as your husband is abusive.

Reading material to consider:

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them, Dr. Susan Forward

No Visible Wounds: Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary Susan

The Verbal Abusive Relationships by Dr. Patricia Evans

Also call 1-800- 977-SAFE to determine if you want to go a shelter. They can also give you a number in your area so you can get together with a good support group.


Carrie