don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
don't know what to do
12
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 12:31pm

So I know this is probably going to sound stupid.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 1:25pm

Boy oh boy - he sounds like a real killjoy.


I dont blame you for not knowing what to do or how to act with him. I'm sure it has really derailed the momentum of the relationship.


One good thing - he told you that after that "honeymoon period" wears off sometimes he decides he doesnt want to be in the relationship - and that happens to everyone...they just dont discuss it.


The fact of the matter is that relationships dont last forever and at some point they dissolve either by death, divorce, breakups, cheating, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 5:06pm

I agree with the other response, and also don't blame you for feeling unsettled.

If you want my 100% honest opinion, I would be through with this guy. Seven weeks of dating is enough time to know if someone makes you feel good enough to pursue something with them one-on-one. If he's not sure, that's a pretty bad sign. Situations like this have turned around, sure, but I don't agree that it's "normal" for a GOOD relationship to be uneven feelings-wise this early in. You should both be thrilled about one another. If he's not, he should find someone he can be thrilled about. You're settling for less than you deserve by continuing to date him, but I would understand if you wanted to give this a few more weeks to see if things turn around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 6:17pm

When we were talking about this he did say that he does want to keep seeing me and that he has started to care for me more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 7:17pm
Every good relationship I've been in has started out by both of us gaining strong feelings for the other very quickly. My current relationship is over 4 years now and we knew from the first date that it was going to last a while. Sometimes you just KNOW, and sometimes it takes a little time, but as I've said if you would feel better waiting a few more weeks for his feelings to build that would make sense. Just don't go waiting months and months. I'd say if it something doesn't really spark within him after 3-4 months it probably won't. Just in my experience it's been a lot earlier. Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 7:34pm

Falling in love happens without thinking about it. If he has to think about it .. then it isnt going to happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 8:07pm

You're right, 7 weeks is a little early to be agonizing over a committment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 1:36pm

Welcome to the board brokenhearted05,

At 7 weeks you two should still be in the 'I can't get enough of you phase' and having fun. He said he doesn't know if it's better to be single or to be in a relationship? Run. He's not ready for a committed relationship and it doesn't sound like he's really looking for one. Since you like walking up to him, I'd say the two of you started having sex way too soon and don't really know each other very well.

Good luck with your decision.





iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 8:48pm

I agree with everyone, especially Carrie. I think this relationship became intimate too quickly, and a relationship that is mostly physical simply doesn't have a firm foundation.

I really hate to say this, but I don't think there's a future with this guy. He's not behaving as if he really cares for you. You recognize the signs; in fact, you mentioned them in your post.

After two months, I doubt you're really brokenhearted. Please consider the factors that made this relationship move so far so fast, and try to do things differently next time.

I hope you'll post again and let us know how things turned out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 8:38pm

First of all his "afraid of this and afraid of that" stuff sounds like an excuse IMHO. Life is full of uncertainties...we can cower or we can live! Seems to me like he wants to hide behind his supposed fears.


Also, you shouldnt let this bring you down. If your having fun with him and enjoying your time together who cares if things arent 100% perfect and your future isnt locked in???? Your dating, not joined at the hip.


Relax!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 3:38pm

It seemed taht our relationship was going taht way.

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