don't know what to do........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
don't know what to do........
3
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:49pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years , we have been through a huge amount of struggles together ( fighting for custody of my 2 children from a prev. relationship , healing and moving on after being sexually abused as a child (me) and a lot of emotional struggles and mixed feelings ect...) He has always be very understanding , supportive , and loving to me , but we have had issues in the past year with our sex life ... I have been trying to be more open and assertive , but I still have ALOT of insecurities that I just can't seem to get past ! For the past 1 1/2 months my boyfriend has not been climaxing when we have sex ... which brings up more insecurities ...... I have always had a problem with making the first moves when it comes to anything sexual , and not only do I get frustrated but I know he does also , In the past year when ever he wants to have sex and I'm not into it he will take care of him self while watching porn. About 2 weeks ago we had a very serious talk and he said that he is very

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 1:46pm

Welcome to the board rm272008,


Have you considered talking to a counselor to help you?


Other iVillage boards that might help:


Let's Talk about Sex


Make Him Moan





angels


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 1:56pm

I have been to therapy ,but I still have these issues! I also don't know if what my boyfriend is feeling is normal or not , so I am very confused!!


thx for the links , hopefully I can get answers and heal:)

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:42pm

It sounds as though you have been seriously wounded vis a vis men and sex in the past. These wounds remain in our body and mind and can cause us to become passive or frigid in sex. They can be healed, but it takes time, dedication and patience. It also takes the help of a professional therapist for an extended time. You say that you did go to therapy...continue on. Find someone new who can give you a new look at the situation. There are also sex therapists who are expert in dealing with issues like this. Talking about this online will not give you the professional help you need. You have to realize that this takes time and dedication. Explain to your boyfriend that you love him and that you are going to get professional help in working out your sex life.


All good wishes,