Don't know what to do, please help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Don't know what to do, please help!!
2
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 11:48am
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 mths. Everything between us was going really well until 2 days ago. He left his cell phone at my house and I went through it. I went through it because I felt suspicious. I saw that he had text messages and I read them. One was from a woman named Kat and she wrote "Had fun. Need to invest in new sheets." Another one she wrote "Here thinking of you." And another one "Want to go to the movies Sunday evening?" I confronted him about these messages and he ranted and raved about me going through his phone. He claims that the woman likes him and the message about needing new sheets wasn't what I thought it meant. He claims that what the text message meant was that he gave her a massage and the lotion got on her silk sheets ( he went to school for massaging ). He also claims that he gave her the massage in exchange for free tanning where she works. He says the other two messages were left because she likes him. I know deep down what is going on and it hurts. Then last night he gets another txt. message from anothe woman named Hannah, but I don't know what it said. He text the woman back and tells me about 20 min. later he was thinking about leaving. I asked why and he said he could get some things done at his house, laundry and clean his room so he didn't have to do it over the weekend. I reminded him it was 10:30pm and he said he knew but he was not tired. My question's are why do men feel like they have to cheat? I mean, I'm always there for him, give the relationship 110%, do everything he asks of me and this is what I get in return? Unfortunately I love him still after finding this out. He has always been there for me and my son and says he loves and cares for us both. How can find the strength to let him go? It's like I want to believe what he says but at the same time I find those messages, and it's hard to let go because I got comfortable with him and now I am at a total loss. Any advice would be appreciated. Is there anyone who would forgive their b/f or g/f for cheating?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 1:55pm
Consider reading:

When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal by Susan Forward

As far as why people cheat...there are many reasons for both genders BUT remember this: YOU are NOT LESS THAN because he is a liar, because he cheats, you are not less than because of any of his choices, behavior, or actions.

You can't love him enough to prevent him from cheating. He has to see 'cheating' as a problem and it doesn't sound like he does. His values justify his actions.

Say he gave her a massage on her bed, that's very UNPROFESSIONAL. And if she likes him, all the more reason to stay away from her. But of course, he won't do that because he likes her attention, he likes that she likes him, pursues him, comes on to him. It strokes his ego.

You have to do what's right for you. My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 1:57pm

The sterngth to move on isnt something you will acquire overnight. It will take a long time and alot of lonely nights before you will be able to feel like your moving forward. But, you nkow this guy is cheating and staying the relationship will only validate his excuses and continue to let him think what hes doing is ok.


You move on and dont look back....he doesnt love you, he just loves being able to get away will all he has.


Best wishes,