DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO R WHAT GOING ON

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO R WHAT GOING ON
1
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 5:49pm

I AM A 23 YEAR OLD FEMALE I HAVE BEEN THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS NOW. NOW AFTER ALL THIS TIME WE ARE HAVING PROBELMS ON MARCH 12 WE HAD A TALK AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS FEELING VERY DISTANCE FORM ME, WHICH I NEVER KNEW HE FELT THAT WAY BECAUSE HE HAD NEVER CHANGED WITH ME. WELL HE SAID HE NEEDED TIME TO DECIDE WHAT HE WANTED SO I GAVE HIM TWO WEEKS TO SEE IF HE WOULD GET OVER IT, GAVE HIM A LITTLE SPACE. WELL DURING THOSE TWO WEEKS WE ONLY TEXTED EACH OTHER LIKE ONCE OR TWICE A DAY, WHICH HURTED AND WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. WELL ON MARCH 26 I ASKED HIM TOATLEAST TALK TO ME NOW AND LET ME KNOW IF HE WANTED TO WORK IT OUT, I STILL THINKING HE WANTS TO WORK IT OUT BUT HE HAD OTHER PLANS, MY BOYFRIEND OF THREE YEARS TOLD ME THAT HE DID NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE BECAUSE HE DID NOT THINK HE WAS THE ONE FOR ME. OF COURSE I WAS SO PUZZLED. SO OF COURSE I GOT ANGRY AND CRIED TELLIGN HIM WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER TO LONG OT LET GO OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE DID NOT AGREE, WELL HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD NOT CHANGE HOIS MIND SO I MIGHT AS WELL JUST LET IT GO AN MOVE ON. THE ONLY THING IS I WAS SO SPOILED AND HE WAS MY WORLD. WELL IN JAN 2006 I WAS DIAGNOSE WITH THE HPV VIRUS, AND THE HAD FOUND A NON CANCEROUS SPOT IN MY CERVIX, THE THING IS I GOT HE VIRUS FROM HIM BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY GUY I HAD EVER BEEN WITH. SO I EXPLAINED THAT TO HIM AND TOLD HIM I REFUSED TO MOVE ON BECAUSE I WANT HURT NO OTHER GUY AND GIVE THEM THIS VIRUS, THEN HE STATRED CRYING AND SAID HE DINOT KNOW WHAT TO ANYMORE. THAT WAS MARCH 26 WELL ON MARCH 29 WHICH WAS MY BIRTHDAY HE ONLY TEXTED ME TO TELL ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ROUND 10 00 THAT NIGHT HE CALLED TO TELL ME AND THAT WAS IT. I WAS GIVEN A VERY NICE GIFT BUT I AM NOT A MATERIAL GIRL I DID NOT WANT THE GIFT I WANTED MY MAN BACK FOR MY BIRTHDAY WHICH I DID NOT GET TODAY APRIL 1 HE TEXTED ME LIKE 2 15 THIS MORNING BECAUSE HE WAS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING AND NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, SO HE TEXTED ME AND TOLD ME WHAT WAS WRONG, WELL THIS MORNING I CALLED JUS TO CHECK ON HIM. WELL LATE ON THAT DAY HE TEXTED ME AND STILL TALKING ABOUT SOME PROBLEMS HE IS HAVING, SAID HE JUS NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO TO GET IT OFF HIS CHEST, SO I WAS THERE FOR HIM... KEEP IN MIND I STILL HAVE HIS DRVING ID, CREDIT CARDS,AND OTHER THINGS. HE HAS BEEN TEXTING ME TO TELL ME TO PAY THE BILLS FOR HIM THAT ARE DUE AND THINGS LIKE THAT.. PLUS ONE MORE THING HE TOLD ME HE DID NOT LOVE ME, BUT THE GIFT I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, IT LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE HAD TO LOVE ME TO GIVE THAT TO ME.. SO THE DAYS OF MY BIRTHDAY I TOOK EVERYTHIGN HE BOUGHT ME AND WENT SIT IT ON HIS STEP AT HIS HOUSE BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I COULD NOT EXCEPT THAING THAT WERE NOT GIVEN TO ME OUT OF LOVE.....

WHAT DO YALL THING IS GOING ON BETWWEN US, IS HE JUST TAKING A BREAK OR ARE WE BROKEN UP, I ASKED HIM WERE WE STILL TOGETHER AND HE SAID HE DIS NOT KNOW???? WHAT DOES THIS SOUND LIKE?

HELP SOS HELP, I AM SO CONFUSED,
CNA

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 6:49pm

Of course you are confused because he is and he is sending you tons of mixed messages. He wants you to be there for him when he needs you, to talk over a problem or to pay his bills or whatever...but clearly he also has other feelings and wants to get away. He sounds like a person who needs to go to a therapist who can help him clear his mind and find out what's really going on. He probably doesn't know what's going on himself, just involved with lots of feelings that he doesn't understand.

You can't let yourself be a yo yo. Unless he deals with what's going on, he will just go back and forth and you will too. Suggest to him that he talk to someone so he can get clear about what's bugging him. If he doesn't want to do so, and if he can't tell you whether or not he wants to be together, it doesn't make sense for you to do all these things for him, and stay there as a "friend". This way he gets all the good stuff, but does not have to be there for you or to committ to anything. It's also unfair to you, to keep you hanging on a string. If he won't go for help and if the situation is too confusing to you, go yourself and talk to someone who can help you become clear.

All good wishes,