DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO!!!!!!!
3
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:49pm
I AM NEW TO THE BOARD HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,NEED SOME ADVICE.I THOUGHT I WAS HAPPILY MARRIEDUNTIL ABOUT 4 MONTHS AGO FOUND OUT DH IS DOING DRUGS AFTER HE WAS CONFRONTED ABOUT IT NOW HE DOES BEHIND MY BACK AND LIES AND TAKES OUR MONEY AND HAS NO RESPECT FOR MY FEELINGS.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I AM SO CUNFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHEATHER TO WIND MY BUTT OR SCRATCH MY WATCH.I LOVE HIM BUT AM NOT WILLING TO LOWER MYSELF TO HIS LEVEL AM I WRONG OR SHOULD I JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY.

THANKS FOR LISTENING!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:40pm

WELCOME TO THE BOARD!


How could you be wrong? It is what you feel, and he disrespects you by doing it behind your back. Possibly he doesn't see any threat of you leaving, and that is why he continues to do what he is doing. Or, he could have a serious problem. In my opinion, you should talk to him again and tell him what is important to you and steps he needs to take to regain your trust.


There is no reason you should sacrifice your marriage, nor your family (if you have kids) because your husband is making bad decisions. You are in this too! Not just him. And now he is forcing you to live with his bad choices, and if you have kids, is that who you want them to be around? If he wants to still have a family, he needs to shape up or ship out! This is very difficult I am sure for you, but think of your kids, not just your husband. I am assuming you have kids from your screen name.


 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:16pm

You cannot look the other way because a drug addiction gets worse and has more and more negative consequencs in your life - (as those you are presently seeing in hm). You've got to set boundaries - either he actively chooses to kick the habit and go into a strong recovery program with professionals or you get out of there. Let him know. And mean it. If you don't he will pull you down with him into the spiral he is in.


There are groups which guide, advise and help families of those with drug addictions. You should go to some support group meetings, understand what you are up against, and get help in presenting the alternatives to him. Either he gets help or you get out. This may sound harsh and cruel, but actually it is kind. If he doesn't want to rid himself of this, then his disease, will become yours as well. You have a right to want to live a healthy, constructive, upright life. We all have choices to make - and no one can choose for anyone else. If he does not choose health, he is on a different road than you.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:45pm
I dont know if this will help at all but I know that I used to smoke alot of weed and I didn't think any thing of it until my girlfirend told me that it bothered her and she wanted me to slow down. Since she told me that I made the decision to quit all together. She means

more to me than any drug ever will. so mabey all you have to do is sit down and try to talk to him and tell him how you feel but try not to make him feel like he's being atacked it might just make thing worse. If he loves you as much as he say's he does he'll probly realise the same thing I did.

I wish you the best of luck