don't spend enough time together
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| Sun, 02-24-2008 - 11:22pm |
I love my boyfriend but I don't feel like we spend enough time together. I wonder sometimes if he just doesn't want to spend as much time with me as I do with him.
We've been together and in a committed relationship for 7 months.
There are a lot of complicating factors. I'm 40; he's 23. He lives in a "dorm" like environment with no privacy, so hanging out at his place is out. We stay at my place.
I live about 45 minutes away from him, in a different city in L.A. County. Sometimes it feels like it's another state away.
He has no car, so I have to go pick him up at his place, which I am happy to do, but so much of the time when it's convenient for me for have him come stay at my place, he can't or has something to do. We used to spend all weekend, every weekend at my place. Lately, it seems he's had a reason why he can only spend 1 night with me. One weekend he was sick...I told him that didn't bother me, and I would take care of him, but he stayed at his place.
He works totally different hours than I do-he works for a software company that has tight deadlines, and his company hours are around noon to 8:30. I work 9-6. So it's hard even to get together for dinner during the week.
He swears he is saving money for a car. He also keeps saying he wants to move out of the dorm place. But he says he doesn't want ot move out til he has a car. He's also said he might move down here, closer to where I live. But that can't happen til he gets a car.
I don't know what to do. I love him, so I don't want to break up. But I feel like I need a more intimate relationship where I see my boyfriend more often. I don't know if I should just be patient? Maybe see where he's at in a month or so?
Sometimes when I'm feeling really lonely, my mind goes amok and I start thinking maybe he's seeing someone else. But he swears that's not the case. Other times, I start feeling like I should tell him I can't keep seeing him unless he's taking real steps to get a car and move out.
I just want a higher level of closeness than this.

HI drummerchick40,
Have the other issues in your relationship been resolved?
Thanks for the book recommendations.
As for the female friend, he finally realized why I had a problem with his friend. He acknowledged the validity of my feelings, which was good.
We haven't discussed whether or not he's seen her or spoken to her, though. I've kept silent on it and haven't asked him about her. I don't think he's seen her, though, because I think he would have told me.
As for him maybe feeling smothered, do you think I should back off from him for a while? Not invite him over for a while?
I don't want him to then think I don't want to see him.