Door opened -- pursue -- or sit tight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Door opened -- pursue -- or sit tight?
2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 12:43pm
The saga continues -- here's the latest. As I explained in several posts to this board in early december, my GF of more than a year suddenly and without much explanation broke up with me in latre November, saying she needed space and time. She made it clear she didn't want much contact and I honored that, with the exception of a few phone calls and one face-to-face meeting. She didn't initiate any of the contacts. Now, this was a person who I was with literally night/day during our entire relationship -- we basically lived together even though she had her own place. We shared everything! The new twist to all this is that last night she called me about 1 a.m. She was heading home from work and was lost and was crying and upset and wanted help. I talked her into finding her way, and we talked for about 30 minutes or so. She told me how upset she was, how much she missed me, how much she loved me. She was crying much of the time. I would guess that there may have been some alcohol involved on her part. I played it very straight and caring. she apologized several times for calling me, for being upset, etc. I told her it was okay, that I was happy she called, and i was happy to help. we ended the call with "i love you's." The reality is that this girl tore me up when she dropped me -- abandoned me after the intense and steady diet of each other. i was/am left empty, hurt. i have done my best to move on. i have started seeing other people, etc. while they haven't helped me forget GF, they have helped me take my mind off her and find comfort and warmth. of course, i would give anything to have back what we had together -- but i don't think it will happen. Though last night indicated that maybe the door is opened a crack. here's my question -- should i pursue her, call her, ask to get together to further talk things out. Or, should i sit tight, wait and see what happens. i don't want to push things, or her, necessarily based on one call or she may regret making the call. I can't tell you how great it was to hear her say that she loved me -- b/c even though she told me that she loved me when she ended things, i couldn't reconcile that with her complete lack of contact with me, which to me said that she didn't really care about me (even though that's probably my own insecurity speaking, rather than believing her at her word). any suggestions on next steps?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 2:48pm

Loving someone is NOT inconsistent with breaking things off with someone you love but realize isn't right for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:06pm
you can still ask her what's going on in her mind without being pushy. I don't think it's fair that either of you keep each other hanging, especially her keeping you in the dark because you don't know what she wants. its important to find out, and meanwhile still try to heal yourself. don't expect anything, but i still hope things do work out, it'll give me a glimpse of hope too since I am having some troubles with my relationship. anyway, i guess next time you guys contact, when the timing is right, ask her what she is thinking and go from there. maybe times people deserve a second chance, but only when it's possible.