Do's and Dont's before Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Do's and Dont's before Marriage
5
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:59pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and we had lots of arguments about sex before marriage. I don't mind the not having sex, its the other stuff the touching and feeling. I know my boyfreind loves me but I don't feel that he's sexually attracted to me at all. How can I marry someone like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 6:52am
I'm waiting for marriage to have sex but I would not marry a man who didn't show me affection while we are dating. He could be gay or he could have no real desire for physical intimacy. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 7:56am
You shouldn't marry someone like this. The fact that he's so easily able to resist - and doesn't even touch you is not a good sign at all. Perhaps he has issues with his sexuality? Do you kiss? How are the kisses - do they have any passion in them? I think perhaps your instincts are telling you that something is off.

Listen to those instincts - or pay for it later.

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:04am

pebbles is right -i DID marry someone like this and I DO regret it - the marriage was VERY VERY VERY difficult and unhealthy and i am now finally on my way out of it. my STBX's reasons for not having any physical relationship beforehand were religious (we are orthodox jews tho i no longer follow THAT kind of orthodoxy). I, like you, didn't have a problem (at the time) with not having sex but I felt that "something" wasn't quite right. I am very sorry that i didn't follow my instincts. the entire marriage was terible for all kinds of reasons, he has alot of other issues.


why are you arguing? what is his reasoning for not having a sexual life before the marriage?


what other issues do you see?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 10:46am

You can't marry someone who is not attracted to you. If there is no sex, no touching or feeling or affection for 3 years, then this man is not a boyfriend, he is a friend. There's a big difference. How can you be in a relationship for this length of time without any physical contact at all? What is it that keeps you there? Perhaps you have some fear of physical intimacy? Clearly, he does. I would find someone professional to talk to about this, as there are probably many issues and feelings you have that are unexplored. But, the bottom line is, certainly without physical warmth and contact there is no basis for a marriage at all.


Take good care of yourself and get the help with this you deserve.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:58am
I agree. Even if you decide to wait for marriage, you have to have some signs that he desires you. I actually believe that having sex before marriage is a good idea, because sex is a lot more than, well, sex: it is openness, communication, and it is a dimension of a person that you need to get to know before you marry that person. I would not want to be involved with someone who does not want to have sex before marriage. But this is MHO, and i understand that people have widely different beliefs about that. My only concern is that the consequence of these beliefs may be unhappiness and regret.