Dr. Shoshanna - Sexless Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
Dr. Shoshanna - Sexless Marriage
2
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 2:13pm

Sexless marriage - I'm about to crack

I can't take any more. I've tried everything.
Basically, she is not a very physical/sexual person. I am the opposite.
We have been arguing about this for most of the 7 years we have been together. Recently, I'm thinking seriously about divorce. I can't believe its come to this. I think a divorce would kill me. She has a lot of support and lives near her family, and is generally pretty independent, so she would be OK. But I don't have a family anymore, and have lost touch with most of my friends and am living in a foreign country (her country).

I am really upset.

There's a lot more information on the problem here:
http://boards.live.com/Lifestyleboards/thread.aspx?ThreadID=223894

Please feel free to ask for clarification on anything.
-JapanGaijin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 12:17pm

Do you have children? I would sit her down and tell her point blank "I need sex and if you are not willing to give it to me, I need to move on because I cannot handle it any longer." Have you all been to a counselor? You should not stay in a marriage where you are not getting something you need, but I would say to communicate your needs to her and read the book Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus and have her read it too (if you haven't) and if she loves you and wants to be with you she WILL make the effort. Women will make the effort even if they don't really feel up to it WHEN they want things to work.

Good Luck and be HONEST with her....does she know you are this close to wanting a divorce? Stop worrying that she has family and will be fine and you won't.... not true. You have you and that is a lot. I would also recommend reading "Your Sacred Self" by Wayne Dyer as it will get you out of the mind set that you don't have anyone. We are what our thoughts make us.

Take Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:12pm

Welcome to the board japangaijin,


I read some of the stuff from the link you provided. It seems this has been going on for a while and that you have talked to her about it but can't seem to come up a compromise that will make you happy.


I think it has reached the point where you need to sit down and really think about what you want out of life and a marriage and see if there is any way you can find that in your current situation. If not, you will have to decide what step you want to take next. Sorry.


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