Dreams re: ex-bf cheating won't stop!
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Dreams re: ex-bf cheating won't stop!
| Thu, 05-03-2007 - 1:29am |
Hi,
I found out in January that my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) was cheating on me with one of my best friends. I gave them both a chance to redeem themselves, but neither of them did a good job of it or showed they really felt remorseful. I got over them and have moved on. I am dating a new guy and having fun. I am HAPPY I am not with that loser anymore...but the problem is that I keep having dreams/nightmares about being with him and finding him cheating on me.
Why do I keep having these dreams? And how do I make them stop?!
I do NOT miss him at all. I still hold resentment and anger, but who can blame me? What should I do? I am tired of having these disrupting dreams. I hate remembering how it felt when I found out.
Thanks

You know, I've been divorced for 15 years and still sometimes wake from a nightmare where I'm miserably married to my ex. When I wake and see my partner next to me, I experience a huge sense of relief that it was only a dream.
I don't have any advice except to say that my dreams have gotten much less frequent over the years. Anyway, you're not alone.
I spent at least a few years after my marriage ended still dreaming about my ex. The dreams would usually start where I'd be with him, and then I'd be making plans to leave. It felt like I was constantly reaffirming my choice to leave as the correct one in the dreams. Over time they happened less often and now it seems they've stopped completely.
I'd guess you're still working through your feelings of resentment and anger. There's not really any way you can make the dreams stop, but they'll probably get better in time.
Hi lilflame_lud and welcome to the board,
Consider journal writing and writing him some UNSENT letters venting your anger.
Thanks so much ladies for responding to my post!!
It DOES help to hear that I'm not alone in this. I feel a little silly about it for a few reasons- 1. I was only with this guy for 9 months, however we had known each other since childhood, and the girl he screwed around with was one of my best friends from high school, and 2. I'm an MFT/Art Therapy grad student about to become the person that I need to see!
Anyway, everything you said makes sense. I don't know if I can write a forgiveness letter. How do you go about doing that? At first I was willing to listen to their side of things and give forgiveness-- but when neither of them cared, neither of them asked for it or tried to win back my favor AT ALL, I decided they don't deserve it. I know it's not my place to say that....but that's how I feel inside.
Do you think that my anger and resentment will fade with time ?
Thanks so much!! :)
Hi again,
Sure, anger and resentment fade with time, but how long to you want it to last?