Is drinking worth breaking up over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Is drinking worth breaking up over?
17
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 7:59pm
My boyfriend and I have had a wonderful relationship for over a year. One thing that has consistently bothered me about him and his friends is how much they drink on weekends. They all like to go out to bars and get completely wasted... it is their way of having fun on Friday and Saturday nights. I am a 21 year old college student and completely understand that many guys in their 20's (my boyfriend and his friends are 25-28 years old) enjoy going to bars to drink and hang out but I don't know any who get as drunk as they do. I don't really like drinking that much, I enjoy going to bars sometimes and having a cocktail at happy hour every once and awhile but I don't like to get drunk. My boyfriend loves to hang out with his guys (who are all single by the way) and get totally plastered on each friday and saturday of every week. It bothers me because my boyfriend brings his friends back to the house after they are done at the bar and sometimes his friends decide it is okay to bring other people back with them. My boyfriend and I share a house and I hate it when all his drunk friends are over because they break things and are destructive, loud and really, really annoying. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, he is my first love and I always hoped would be my last love...but despite me telling him how much his being wasted bothers me, he still goes out with his friends and they make him get plastered. It is not the going out that bothers me, it is how drunk they actually get... I don't care if they have a few beers.. but they get so drunk they can't walk. I don't know if this will ever change? Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 4:53am

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who was 40. He and his friends would binge drink and become destructive. He didn't see this as a real problem and thought it was quite funny. I broke up with him because this wasn't the kind of lifestyle I wanted to participate in or incorporate into my life, and I didn't want to be the one to pick up the mess (I was already doing ALL the driving because his license was suspended due to a DWI conviction).

So is your boyfriend's behavior worth breaking up over? Yes. It certainly is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 3:56pm

Wow..


Here's the deal. My fiancee is 26 and I'm 25.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 4:51pm
Welcome to the board nursemom07 and thanks for particiipating!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 4:55pm
Welcome to the board
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 5:45pm

Thank you all so much for your advice and stories. As hard as it is to admit it, this is really helping me realize that my boyfriend may not be the perfect one for me to build a future with. As most of you know from reading my other posts, my boyfriend continues to drink after I express how much it bothers me that he and his friends get so wasted almost every weekend.

Another aspect of their nights out that bothers me is whenever I go to the bar with my boyfriend and his friends, my boyfriend gets in this wierd mood and acts like I am putting a damper on his social life. He acts like because I am there he can't drink as much...so that in and of itself is a big wake-up call to me. I dont want to put him in a situation where he feels like he can't have fun and do what he wants with his friends, that is not fair. I think if I am with someone we should enjoy our time together no matter where we are.

When I talked to him again a couple weeks ago about breaking up because I could not stand how wasted they get, he told me he would make a huge effort to stop drinking as much because he loves me so much and I am way more important than alcohol to him...but its hard to believe that when he didnt actually make any effort to slow down--he is all talk and no action.

Another pathetic thing is that he got a DUI a couple years ago before I knew him and that still didnt even keep him from drinking as much...he just doesn't drive drunk now. His friends also anger me when they drink...just two nights ago my boyfriend went out with friends. I was at home studying because I had a huge test the next morning (I am a full time college student). I told my boyfriend that if there was an emergency to call me and I would come get him but that I had to wake up at 5AM to continue studying for my test. His friends prank called me at 2AM pretending to be a police officer saying that my boyfriend had been arrested and that I needed to come get him from jail!!! I did not recognize their voices so I jumped out of bed and started crying because i thought he had been arrested...but no, it was just a prank phone call...at two in the morning... when I had a huge important test that my boyfriend knew about...I ended up failing the test because I was so tired and stressed about my relationship...not my homework. That is not good. I was furious with my boyfriend and his friends. OF COURSE he apologized like crazy, told me how much he loved me and that it wouldnt happen again...right. All talk and no action again? We will see.

God I am just a horrible person...I can't break up with him... I am so in love with him...I have never broken up with anyone..he is my first love and my first real relationship and I am so so so happy with him in every other way..but I guess this might be the deal breaker. I dont know what to do...I am so stuck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 6:08pm

Another thing that concerns me is how much money they spend at the bar...it is frightening! Even when my boyfriend is on a tight budget and trying to save money..so much that he won't pay for dinner or something...if he goes to the bar with his buddies that all goes out the window and he spends sometimes hundreds of dollars on bar tabs!!! His friends all do too! I can't believe that when we are trying to save money to pay for a trip to mexico or something he will say he is broke and then go spend $200 at the bar! Do you think this is a terrible sign? Do we just have different values? He is really good about paying his bills on time, he has no debt or anything but it just amazes me that they spend so much on bar tabs!

Also just while I am on a rant about things that are bothering me right now... he was in the army for four years and I find that really attractive, he is very smart and talented and wonderful... but he has gotten really out of shape since the army...I love working out and looking good and being healthy and he just doesn't really care about that. He is by no means fat but has started to get a beer belly...and i cant help but get annoyed more about the drinking when he is getting a beer belly and not wanting to work out...he wont even join the gym with me because "it is too expensive" but then he goes out and spends $200 on booze at the bar!!! Am I being too picky or mean? Plus most weekends he is too hungover to go work out with me anyway!! I wish he would be healthier...but maybe that is another sign that he is not the one for me...are there guys out there who dont drink a ton, love to work out and eat healthy? why do i feel like he is the ONE when clearly all signs point to the door!?! what is wrong with me? why cant i see past how much i love him and look at the facts?? help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 5:01pm
thank u for the warm welcome!!!

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