Driving me nuts! - revisited

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Driving me nuts! - revisited
12
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:57pm
Well, I posted to the board several months ago on this topic when my girlfriend and I first butted heads about it, and now I'm back because the event is just around the corner and it's driving me NUTS!

Background: she's part of an amateur dance troupe. Doesn't get paid, volunteers her time to practice and perform. I am proud of her skill and involvement. What's my issue? The performance requires several costume changes. There isn't a proper dressing room or changing area for the men and women; they share a small backstage area in which they all must change.

I am NOT happy knowing that there are 1/2 dozen guys in this small area with my girlfriend when she is undressing. Yes, they are, too, but what men wear and what women wear is different as we all know. In addition, there is an all-women routine which in which the performers wear backless costumes. This requires removing their bras. This means the men, who are not performing, are standing backstage while the women are topless.

Some of you have said "Live with it". Others have a different point of view that the lack of privacy is unacceptable. We've talked about; she says no one is looking. I find that very hard to believe. How do I deal with this???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:51pm
That's nice...BUT I DON'T LIVE IN SWEDEN. Jesus, enough already. This is something I have to deal with, yes. And doing something for a performance is completely different than stripping down in public to go swimming. Thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:47am

well i remember when this came up before. I personally happen to think that the costume changing setup is unacceptable, not because she is your GF, etc, but *I* would not feel comfortable changing in front of men - whether they look or not, and *I* personally would not be there. but that's *ME*. i don't think its 'not a big deal' as some people are saying. i do understand that its not a 'sexual' thing, but i do find it degrading.


i really honestly think that if this really bothers you so much, then you need to look at the "whole picture", and ask yourself if this person is for you. you obviously have a different set of values, and you need to ask yourself if you can accept her "AS IS". and accepting someone *AS IS* means that you accept that in areas A, B C, she is "different" from you. not better, or worse, just DIFFERENT. and you don't try to change her, she doesn't try to change you - but you accept each other "as is".


If you CANNOT accept her *as is* (which means, understanding that for whatever reason, *she* IS comfortable with this costume changing setup) then you CANNOT go on with this relationship. its unfair to you, its unfair to her, and you are just going to get more and more frustrated.


and i can tell you from my own, sorry, life experiences - that if this is SO consuming your emotions and energies then (A) you really need to DEAL WITH IT (i.e., either learn to accept it or move on from the relationship) and (B) there is probably *something else* that is bothering you and you cannot articulate it at this moment.


good luck to you


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