Dr.Shoshanna, Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
Dr.Shoshanna, Please help!
3
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 1:26pm

Hi Dr. Shoshanna.

This may take a while to explain, but I'll try to condense it as much as possible.

I had a full-fledged eating disorder about 5 years ago and have progressively gotten better. I used to go 5 days without eating anything to eating decent meals and working out in a very balanced manner. Yet, my emotional state has gotten worse. When I gave in to the thoughts of getting "skinnier" and didn't eat and lost pound after pound, I was much happier.. but it seems that after I began to be healthy, the thoughts have been more dominant to stay skinny ("don't eat too much or else you'll have to work out harder). I haven't yet reacted to the thoughts, which keeps me healthy physically. This of course has found it's way to come between me and my husband...

I married my husband 2 1/2 years ago. Things were wonderful and he was very supportive with my emotions wavering all the time, especially with my negative thoughts on my outward appearance. When I got pregnant and emotions got more intense, I constantly needed his reassurance, and always hoping he wasn't checking out the prettier skinnier girls everywhere when his wife was a whale (or at least that's how I felt). It continued until I lost all the weight after the baby was born and for a while, I was working out hard and feeling great. But recently, I've gained 5 pounds (I know, that's nothing, but with my perfectionistic view, it's a lot to me) and have had a hard time when we're in public. I am always scared my husband is going to see a pretty girl and think adulterous thoughts or worse yet, find a prettier wife with less emotional problems to leave me for. Recently, we've had a lot of stress with finances, job changes, deaths in the family... constant change. Thoughts of giving up on our marriage have been entering my mind for the past week or so...maybe I don't love him because I'm too emotionally drained to be fighting for this marriage... he's not giving me everything I want... and it's all rooted in my insecurity.

I know that a lot of women out there have it a lot worse, but I also don't want to stay in a marriage if I'm unhappy. Forgive the randomness of the message, but please help.

Thanks,

EMPTY

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:50pm

Welcome to the board beyers02,


Are you in counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 12:09pm

Welcome to the board beyers02,


If you aren't in counseling, I would highly recommend it. I would look for someone that specializes in eating disorders. I bet if you got your negative thoughts stemming from your eating disorders worked out that the negative thoughts about your marriage would be resolved also.


Best of luck to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 2:35pm

No one would ever be able to provide you with what you need because what you need and desire should be coming from YOU.