drugs and our relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
drugs and our relationship
3
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 1:50pm
well, me and my boyfriend have been together for about eight months. i love him very much and i know that he loves me as well. when we first started going out i knew that he did drugs. i told him that i didn't like it and after a couple months he quit. it really hasn't been a problem. sometimes he goes on these vacations for like a week and he never calls me and lets me know anything. i always end up finally getting ahold of him and i usually know that he was using. i want to know why he hides this from me, knowing that i know. well, the other day i got ahold of him after i didn't talk to him for about 5 days. i don't think he was planning on seeing me for awhile because he was still messed up on the drugs. he couldn't even talk to me. he was trying to lie to me and tell me he didn't do that much. i want to stay with him but i can't trust him after this and i don't think that he is very honest with me about where he goes and what he does. he needs help and he said to me that he wasn't going to do it anymore. should i believe him? i just feel that he is choosing drugs over the ones who love him to pieces, like me and his brother. should i stay with him or try and help him with his obvious problem? i really need help
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 1:54pm
You can't reason with a drug. And addiction has nothing to do with how much you love him or how much he loves you. The addiction has him and what the addcition wants, it gets. You can't love him enough to save him. If he wants to quit then he needs to go to rehab and get help. He will say he wants to quit to keep you around, but if he's not willing to do anything about the addiction, then it's just words and sooner or later you will leave him to his drug(s).


Carrie

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:37pm
I don't think that it is possible to have a meaningful romantic relationship with an addict. Addiction rules the addict's life, period. Like twinflame said, what the addiciton wants, the addiction gets. Addicts are really good at saying what needs to be said - like when faced with a partner leaving, they ALWAYS promise to quit. That lasts a little while, but then the addiction takes over and all promises go out the window. By definition, addicts are not trustworthy.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:38pm
I think the only way you should help him is as a platonic friend and the help should consist of helping him to find a good therapist and drug rehab center and to listen to him talk about his progress and the struggles. He is choosing drugs over you because he is not available for a relationship due to his drug addiction. You are worth so much more than a drug addict - please do not ever again get involved with a man who has been sober for less than a year, at least.