Dumb mistake on my part? or is he being shallow?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Dumb mistake on my part? or is he being shallow?
4
Sat, 01-04-2014 - 5:09pm

This is very embarrassing, but my new boyfriend caught me picking my nose (dont laugh) - like really deep picking while I was distracted on my cellphone.   Im not 100% positive he saw me, but he turned & left the room immediately - so much so that Im not sure he just didnt forget something & turn.    But I think he saw me & just reacted - not knowing what to do.   

He didnt say anything & we hung out a while longer, doing normal things.

Next day, we only texted, which isnt out of the ordinary for us.   He didnt mention a thing & sounded upbeat.  

The next couple days after that I kept texting him, but no response.   In fact, I never heard anything from him thru Xmas, nor New Years, nor the Holidays....altho I didnt keep texting him.  I decided the ball was in his court.  ... as me being available to him at a moment's notice has been something Id been trying to stop.   ie - not answering right away, not going to him right away, not texting or calling a lot.   So, on the side, Ive wanted to show him Im just not going to be there as he snaps his fingers.

Well, it's been two weeks & no word from him (altho, as I said, balls in his court - Im not calling or texting him again)!   

We had previously had discussions where he told me I was the only one on his radar & he was not on any dating sites at the moment.  

I REALLY now think that the nose-picking incident was as I feared.  He got so repulsed, that he doesnt want anything to do w/me anymore.

How could I not have been attentive enough, so as not to be doing this when he walked in!!!???   ie atleast go to the bathroom w/a kleenex or something.

Anyway, I am just so upset over this.   I dont know for sure this is what I think, but I suspect, as we are newly dating - maybe 2-3 months.  We've had periods of not talking - one or two time as long as 10 days  ... but never 2 weeks.   

Is there anything I can do to get myself out of this hole & get back w/him?   

Im kicking myself.   But at the same time - is he a very shallow person for just cutting me off for something like this???

:(    sigh   sitting home alone Sat nite.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003

Are you sure he's ok? I mean, for someone to just disappear with no notice of anything and for weeks is head scratchingly weird. If you are sure he's not in a coma somewhere then I would write him off. For him to do this with no explanation, well, why would you want someone who would do that? It's cruel and utterly unnacceptable. As for the nose picking....we all do gross stuff but in the beginning of relationships we generally keep it hidden. You got caught ( or you think you did ). So what? You picked your nose, you didn't murder a puppy. If he's that horrified by that then what would he do if you farted? Call the cops? Faint? If he did dissapear because of the nose incident then he sounds like a miserable priss and you would never be able to be yourself with him. Be grateful he showed you who he really is before you invested too much time in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

I would probably send him another text asking why he disappeared.

If he dumped you for that then yes, he's being shallow. Even if he was disgusted enough to decide that he couldn't be with you (like he's never done anything gross?) its really rude to not tell you that he's ending it. He could make up an excuse if he doesn't want to admit that it was because he saw you picking your nose. If that is the reason that he disappeared then you're better off finding out now that he has a low tolerance for people displaying human behavior, and that he doesn't have the balls to say goodbye.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Ummm, he said "there was no one else on his radar" and "not on any other dating sites AT THE MOMENT" doesn't sound too promising.......if someone said that to me, I'd take it as "you're ok for the time being".  Congratulations for NOT continually texting and/or calling.  I doubt very much if he cared very much for you if your finger in your nose would chase him away forever.  That's not the reason, someone else appeared on his radar.    I think you need to just move on......he's not interested, and it doesn't matter why. 

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Gosh, THANK YOU, everybody. You all make me feel a lot better. I have been terribly distraught over this. And, yes, truth is, before all this, I dont think he showed me the respect he should. And he is a little bit of the GQ type - and OCD about his house - so this probably did send him over the edge. I knew he was no good for me in the long run -but it sure was fun.... thanks again.