emotional affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
emotional affair
4
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 6:06pm
But I have the one concern. I had this 19 year girl move in to help her out. Will to fine out later she new about it and never told me.Here is my question, my husband and her have got close. As my husband tells me there just friends and she tells me to grow up. They where constantly texting or e-mail all the time. Tell I said that he spent more time with her then me. Will she does fallow him around like a lost puppy and he doesn't see that.Over time I have found out that they are telling one another they love one another and care for one another. She has even text him to have him fix her dads truck but she would have to pay for it so that they can at less spend a few days together and her in his arms? Will that never did happen. But my marriage is really rocky right now because of me.

They are still talking to one another and I think e-mailing do not know. But no texting cause I had that taken off our phones. He does this behind my back. He tells me it cause he needs someone to talk to. Will when I fine out they are doing this I flip out! I get so mad and crazy and ask him why and all he says is I just needed someone to talk to. I have told him that this is an emotional affair and he says am crazy! I just need to get over it that there just friends and that the way it is going to be. He doesn't like the way I act when I fine out about them talking. But it really hurts when your husband is telling a 19 year old gal he loves her and cares about her when I know he doesn't love me. I have finally went and seeked help thinking it was I am making a big deal out of nothing. But the professionals have told me the same thing I think that there is an emotional affair!


How do explain it to him what is going on is not right? I have tried but he just tells me their friends! And that is the only friend he has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 7:31pm

Welcome to the board motorpsycomama,


Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 2:01am
newbie to ivillage and looking for compassionate and understanding people with objective point of views.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:32pm

Welcome to the board manoffaith,


I'm going to ask that you start a new thread with your situation. As a new post it will more likely get more replies than it will here attached to the back end of someone else's post.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 5:31pm

First of all, this is more than an emotional affair, it's over the edge. Your husband is driving you crazy and abusing you at the same time. He may think that whatever he does is fine, (wonder how he would feel if he found you doing the same?), but that doesn't make it fine. You do not have to accept his twisted reality. It is not fine to constantly text a woman you are not married to, tell her you love her, etc. If that is his idea of a marriage, let him have it. You do not need to agree to it. You need to re-gain your self respect. He may be trying to turn the tables on you and blame you for your perfectly understandable reaction, but if I were you, I wouldn't have any of it. What does he mean he needs someone to talk to? How about you? What's wrong in this marriage that he can't talk to you? Don't let him make it all your fault. It's not.


You need to set boundaries, set standards, let him know there are consequences to his behavior and that you will not stay if things continue like this. I strongly suggest you get professional therapy and stay with it, to help you get clarity, support and the right direction in the many choices you will have to make in the future. This is the only way to save your sanity, respect and health.


Best wishes,