emotional rut

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2007
emotional rut
5
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:10pm
the passed couple of weeks have been rough on my man and i. firstly, our sex life has deminished a lot over that time. from having sex everyday to just once a week the past 3 weeks. a lot of it has to do with a different work schedule every few weeks and then following that - my monthly hell. because of the lack of sex i'm starting to feel needy, insecure and worrysome. that worrysome contributed to a stupid arguement that just set a low tone for the whole weekend and took my partner by suprise. i'm becoming scared and hopeless - i just feel myself going deeper and deeper into a black hole and can't get out. how can i regain my strength and positive attitude to brighten things up? i just continue to harp on this, thinking my relationship is suddenly going downhill and it's making the love of my life worry. i just need to "snap out of it" but for some reason i feel i won't. any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:42pm

Hi beautifullife4759,

I can understand how you're feeling and it's sort of a 'slippery slope' whereby I think the more you dwell on it the worse it gets. If it's only been 3 weeks I think it's early enough that you're making this seem like a bigger problem than it is. Maybe try to take a vacation from your boyfriend. Take a week to yourself and just be by yourself, with your friends, etc. etc. Try to call up your closest friends and explain to them that you're feeling really low and you need to get out of the house and go have some fun to take your mind off of things. I bet a girl's night out would do wonders.

It's hard to get out of a bad mood and I find a lot of times that if I just say 'stop!', even outloud, when bad feelings or thoughts enter my mind, it can help.

Another option is talking to your guy...just sit him down and tell him you need to get some things off of your mind and you just want him to listen without commenting. Then tell him everything you're feeling and see if you can work it out together. If he really loves you he'll support you and try to work things out and make you feel better. Just make sure you're not accusing him of anything, you're just thinking outloud.

Hope that helps...keep us updated!

Lots of hugs!!!

Daisypath Next Aniversary Ticker


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:46pm
First the obvious suggestion of speaking to your significant other about why the sex has diminished and if there is any time you can specifically set aside for it. However, I feel like if you are this depressed over a sex life that has a. only been diminished over 3 weeks and b. is still happening, just not as much as you need, I feel like maybe you could benefit from individual counseling. Yes sex is important to a relationship but to sink into a deep emotional hole because you aren't having it every day is a bit extreme. These things happen naturally in life. What would happen if either of you were physically incapacitated and could not have sex regularly or at all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 5:20pm

First go see your Doctor. You sound depressed. He/she can tackle and even stop your monthly hell with safe birth control-there are lots of options.

What has changed in your relationship lately. You haven't given us a lot of information.




Edited 8/6/2007 5:23 pm ET by ciao__gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 8:37am
Thanks for the reply it helped. I've been in this before just as everyone has but I guess I just needed to vent at the time. We had a good night last night & I told him how I felt. We both agreed to having a little bit of stress. I guess sometimes "the first for everything" kind of makes you think sometimes - like a totally great relationship in every aspect, sex often, etc. to all of the sudden kind of stopping. But we're still somewhat fresh so yes, there is a first time for everything & experiencing. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 10:50am

That`s wonderful! I´m glad your boyfriend is devoted enough to have been understanding. I hope everything works out!

Daisypath Next Aniversary Ticker