Emotionally Unavailable?
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| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 6:22pm |
Almost a year ago he moved out because he felt he needed to figure out what he wanted from his life. The “commitment” thing really scares him. He has had nothing but failed relationships and has convinced himself he may not be suited for a traditional relationship. He will not seek help, because he has in the past and claims they don’t help.
We continued to see each other after he moved out and we got along great. He would call frequently and we usually got together once a week. Everything seems to be going great for him. He seems to be fine with us living apart and seeing each other occasionally. He is very active biking and kayaking and that takes up a great deal of his time. To me, there doesn’t seem to be much investment in the relationship or accountability. I am not really sure where I stand in the relationship. He says he is exclusive (sexually) to me and we have a good time whenever we are together, but that does not seem to be enough for me.
I have asked him if he has figured out what he wants or has he learned anything about himself during this sabbatical. He never really has much to say and I often felt that he was stalling. He says he cares for me a great deal and sometimes says he loves me. He says he cannot do a relationship day-to-day – he feels restless and confined. He really does like doing things alone, even traveling. He claims he was hurt by a woman in the past and has learned to wall up his feelings. By avoiding commitment, he can avoid being hurt. He isn’t very demonstrative with affection and has great difficulty assessing his feelings as well. Talking about these issues is uncomfortable for him and nothing ever really gets accomplished.
I have recently broke up the relationship because I don’t think being confused about where I stand and wondering if we will ever get back together as a “couple” is good for me. I am constantly sad and depressed. I love him and leaving hurts a great deal too. My heart wants to be with him, my head says he will never be able to meet my emotional needs. What do you think? Are there solutions that could keep us together? Is there hope for emotionally unavailable men? I considered the living apart as do-able as long as I felt secure in the relationship.

i have been doing a lot of thinking ab. divorcing mine too, but i'm afraid of being alone
it's not easy to meet someone nice and then to face what u r facing but but but
it seems to me from what u r saying that u want a permanent relationship and he wants a female friend when he wants her, like once a week, or so.
it's up to u, if u can live with his kind of decision.
it's obvious to me that u can't and u made ur decision to break up, so live w it.
don't change ur mind and take him back unless u r willing to go along with his rules, not living together and seeing him when he calls u and asks u out.
go out and try to meet someone else or go on the internet there r many single sites out there with some nice guys
good luck
kittiesx6