Emotionally Unavailable Man?
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Emotionally Unavailable Man?
| Thu, 04-10-2008 - 9:45am |
I have been seeing this man for about 8 months now, to give you a quick backgroud, when I first started seeing him he made it clear from the get that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship, with me or anyone else. He was hurt from a past relationship and he didn't want to get into another one (maybe just an excuse). We have grown really close over the months, going on many dates, dinners, movies, breakfasts, alot of going out. We haven't talked about our title at all since the beginning, so I am not sure where things stand now. We had a disagreement about spending time together (we usually spend about 4 or 5 days out of a week together) and he surprised me with a card and flowers, which was sweet. He does little things that shows he cares for me but has never came out and said so. He calls me everyday to either check in or to see how my day was. We do everything a normal couple in a relationship would do together. I did have to work hard to get where we are today, it took some time for him to come around. We had sex about 3 months into seeing eachother, which was because he wanted to wait. Since the first time we were together we have been together about 12-15 times. He always spends the night at my house and then he goes in the morning if he works or in the afternoon if it is a weekend. After we have sex he goes right on his side of the bed and just goes to sleep. Just recently I have just went over and laid on his chest afterwards and he puts his arm around me and we go to sleep, and it seems like it is working but at first he was uncomfortable with it, and I had to ask if it was ok, then I just started doing it and that was that. Well, he came over last night, he spent the night. We did not have sex (which I am not sure why), just watched some tv and then went to bed. During the middle of the night, I went on his side of the bed and snuggled with him LOL At first he seems surprised but he just had his arm on me and went to sleep. I tried this about 3 times and each time he seemed ok with it.
Well, things we ok when we woke this morning, he took me to work and kissed me as usual and that was that. He is not ver affectionate at all, except for always kissing me when he leaves or a hug and kiss, but no hand holding, no close sitting, nothing else. My questions are this......Do you think that he is not emotionally available? Do you think that it's possible for him to eventually come around? What do you think I should or should not be doing? Do you think he was weirded out by my snuggling last night? Why is he not affectionate and how can I get him to be?

"I just want to make him comfortable with affection"
You can't make him change his personality and his feelings.
It sounds like you want a real relationship and you want to define it. Talk to him. Find out if you want different things and if he would consider taking things to the next level.
Welcome to the board princess22222,
What you describe to sounds like he's unavailable in regards to physical intimacy. So my question would be, when you have a bad day or are upset, crying, how does he respond?
It sounds to me as though you hve quite a close relationship in some ways, you see each other qutie a bit, sleep together and then he sleeps over and he calls everyday. So, he is as much there physically, anyway, as anyone could be in a relationship. Regarding how emotionally open, expressive or available he is to you or how affectionate, that's another matter. You can't change him. He gives in the way he gives. Obviously there's something good here or you wouldn't be together so much.
It's a bad idea to focus on how you can change someone, and what's wrong with them. People are who they are. If you can't accept them, if you can't let them change on their own in time, then perhaps you should not be with them.
See what he is giving you, see if it's enough, if it works. Also, see what you give him. Decide what you want in a relationship for the long run and then decide.
Best wishes,
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Princess, I just wanted to make a comment about the snuggling.