emotionless boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
emotionless boyfriend
6
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 2:22am
My boyfriend is afraid to show his emotions. I don't know what to do to break his shell. He will briefly mention certain things that concerned him but will not go into detail. This is so frustrating. He said part of the reason is his family never really shared their joys or pains with each other. They never really gave each other hugs. When we talk about anything serious, he rather talk over the phone than in person. Also, he said it is partly cultural because he isn't American. However, he has lived here since he was 8. He is now in his mid 20s. I can see how his culture and family played a role but I feel like he should be able to share more of himself with me. I feel like maybe he is ashamed or insecure about something.I don't know what though. I feel like he might want to open up but he is scared I might leave him or something. We care for each other very much but I don't think we can continue this relationship much longer if he doesn't open up. Any advice is much appreciated!

Don't wait for the world to make you happy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 2:27am

Tennischic, it's very important that you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 9:00am

As always I agree with aisha, this is the person you're with and who you've accepted into your life. He's always been this way, and it's not a matter of you cracking his shell. You're not going to change him. Attempts to change people are usually met with relationship-breaking resent.

I think that if you need a boyfriend who is more open and emotional than he is, you should look elsewhere. It's important to have a connection with someone, and you can't have that if their emotions are "forbidden territory". In his culture it may be perfectly acceptable and normal, but to try to break someone away from their upbringing and culture will never ever work. You should find someone who is already right for you, not someone who would need to be molded into the right guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 12:27pm

Welcome to the board tennischic2007,


My husband grew up in a family where they were never given hugs or told that they were loved. He, however, is very touchy/feely. He loves to hug, kiss, cuddle, etc. When it comes to voicing his feelings though he is a little more reserved. When I first told him that I loved him he didn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 1:01pm
My father is kind of like this. I know he cares but he rarely talks about himself or his feelings. Now, my parents are having serious maritial problems due to my father feeling hurt and not speaking up about it. I don't want the same thing to happen with our relationship.

Don't wait for the world to make you happy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 2:23pm
I can understand being concerned about that. My husband and I always let each know if something is bothering us that much. That way we can resolve it right away.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 10:37pm

TennisChic,


Sometimes people change, and sometimes they don't. But you can be the better person and give him the benefit of the doubt that with time, he will learn to express himself to you. Hopefully the more you show him emotion, he will do the same :o)

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