Is this the end?
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Is this the end?
| Mon, 02-23-2004 - 9:17am |
The other night my fiancee and I were having a discussion about our relationship. I playfully asked the WRONG question. I was meaning for it to be totally hypothetical in nature and I guess he took the serious approach to it. I asked my fiancee if his ex-girlfriend was sexier than I. I know totally not the question to ask. I was expecting the courteous answer of "of course not honey you are the sexiest woman I know". Instead I caught him off guard and got the TRUTH! He said that she used to be pretty sexy when he first met her and that I was just "ya know kind of exotic/foreign looking". This extreme blow to my ego I feel could send me over the edge. I have done nothing but cry for days. How can I be with a man now that I know finds his ex more attractive than me? He tried back-peddling his way out of the answer but I know he was just being honest and have to at least respect that. Now I feel like it is over. If that is what he thinks why should I be with him, and particularly why would he want to marry me? When I ask him to talk about it he states that it is my fault for asking such a stupid question. I admit maybe I was feeling insecure and needed some reassurance. And it is not like he hasn't asked me similar questions in the past and I answered like any good girlfriend would and told him what he wanted to hear.

It's fine that you asked the question. Perhaps you were sensing that he was not as interested sexually as you might have liked? The question came from somewhere - sounds as though you needed reassurance that you were appealing enough to him. Then came this upsetting answer. It is upsetting, and worth stepping back and thinking about. Sex is an important part of a marriage, and if your husband to be doesn't find you as sexually exciting as a former girlfriend, this could possibly bode trouble in the future. So, you are right to think this all over carefully. Perhaps it would be of help to speak to a professional about this - as you are engaged, and breaking off the engagement is a big decision. Go together to a couple counsellor and address this matter honestly with a professional there to help. There's no point in playing games, telling someone what they "want" to hear, or lying when something as important as your future is at stake. You have to feel truly loved and desired by him. He has to feel as though you are the woman he is totally satisfied with and with whom he wants to spend his life. If those feelings aren't present now - what will happen a few years down the road?
Get the help and clarity the both of you need.
Best wishes.
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