The End of a Friendship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
The End of a Friendship???
2
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 3:14pm
About 6 months ago, Pete got hired at my workplace. The attraction was instant and magnetic. We flirted all the time and ended up becoming great friends. We would confide in each other, laugh, joke. It was grreat, and just what I needed. We started sleeping together and it was awesome!

We then had a big talk about where the relationship was going. He told me that he has NEVER been faithful to a girlfriend and he didn't want to end up hurting me. He told me that he loved me, that next to his daughter, I was the most important person in his life, that he wanted nothing more than to wake up next to me everyday for the rest of his life. And that no matter what, our friendship was more important than having sex was. He even told his mother about me.

We decided that we weren't going to get into a relationship, that was the best way for neither of us to get hurt. Things were great for a while, then all of a sudden, he did a 180. We stopped talking, he stopped flirting and complementing with me and suddenly he was too busy, he became undependable and would rarely talk to me. Its been three months like this. I talked to a mutual friend about this and he told me that Pete's actions were a defense mechanism and that he didn't want to get hurt. Kind of like dumping someone before they dump you.

I've tried talking to him about this, but we never were able to have the conversation, something came up. I finally sat down and wrote down what I was feeling and what I thought.

I think that I was just another notch in his belt, that he was using me and that once he got what he wanted and he was done with me, he discarded me. What I think and what I know are two different things however. I know that he had feelings for me, and that he still does, but that wall is just so big, and he wont let me in.

I emailed him the letter, it was the only way I could sit down and talk to him without an interruption or confusion, but he hasn't checked it yet. I decided that, I dont want anything to do with him anymore. I cant do anything about us working together, but I dont want to be any part of his life anymore. The presence of him in my life is just too painful.

I feel like my heart is broken. Its hard for me to eat or sleep. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont like going to work anymore, and I want to leave the job that I love just so i wont have to see him anymore.

I guess Im just looking for advice. IS the friendship over? Can it really be repaired? How am I going to get through this?

Can anyone offer any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 5:16pm
mnlisa1980...

You could always send Pete a "snail-mail copy" of your email letter...but whether he responds or not....????

Pete told you at the beginning that he has NEVER been faithful to any of his other g/f's, so why should YOU be the exception? Granted...he might have shown interest at the beginning, but most new relationships either become VERY HOT or VERY COLD...and Pete opted for the latter.

Since jobs AREN'T easy to come by these days (as Pianoguy knows first hand)---do your best to continue your "working relationship" with Pete, but keep everything strictly business! In the meantime...search for employment at a different location. When you "connect" with something that works for you...give your 2-week notice and leave.

You don't owe Pete any explanations....

Now cheer up, okay???? I'm sending you a few hugs today!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 7:16pm
mnlisa,

Sorry you have to go through this. Of course your heart is broken, you wanted more out of the 'just sex' relationship than you are getting.

::IS the friendship over?

Sounds like it to me. You can't make him want a friendship. You can't make him talk to you.

::Can it really be repaired?

How if he's not talking to you?

::How am I going to get through this?

You accept the truth of the situation. You know and believe that this is about him, not you. You grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been. You write him all you want - vent on paper, but do NOT send them to him. Burn them. You know and believe that you are NOT less than because of his actions, choices, decisions or behavior.

My best to you on your healing path.


Carrie