end of marriage?
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end of marriage?
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 7:40pm |
I'm new to the board so bear with me.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and have three kids, 11,8, and 2.We married when I was 19 and he was 25. I am stuggling with a lot of resentment toward him for not providing what I always invisioned would be my married life
I know that I have a lot of unadressed childhood issues that were being poor, my mom leaving me and my alcoholic dad when I was 15, moving almost every two years, to name a few. I realize that I carry that crap with me but I don't like to dwell on them, that doesn't change how I feel. My husband and I started out as poor college students like most people but my husband has bounced from job to job over the last 13 years and we have moved a lot too. We even lived with his mom two different times during our marriage.We have moved back and forth from our current town three times in the last 10 years and I hope we are back for good now. The last town we lived in was the first time that I had a job that I really enjoyed and made me feel good about myself.In my opinion, my husband didn't even try to make things work there and basically destroyed it all for reasons I don't understand.We bought our first home and decided to have another child there and I was happy. He said he couldn't stand living in that town anymore and wanted to sell our home, me give up my job (after he got fired from the best job he ever had) and move back to where we are now. My kids were happy and involved in stuff and I didn't really think that we would move. I went along with all this thinking that our house would never sell, but it did and we moved.I thought I could handle this move since I used to love living in this town before.
So we moved and things were a little bumpy but I've tried to keep my chin up. I managed to get a job doing what I was before and I thought that would help me settle in. It didn't. I have struggled with depression for many years and tried every med imaginable. Recently I decided that the depression was bad enough again that I started taking meds again.I'm not sure that it's making much difference.
Ok, to the problem, I started drinking more and more and recently started smoking. I don't know why I started smoking since I haven't smoked since before I met him. He found out I was smoking and flipped out. He has equated this to cheating on him and now says that he can't have sex with me because I'm smoking and now it's that I'm drinking too much although he has been drinking right along with me. We tryed to have a few days alone this last few days and all we did was fight about my smoking. I'm sick of what I see as overreacting. Now he says that he is moving out. I just can't help but think this is crazy. All over smoking?
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and have three kids, 11,8, and 2.We married when I was 19 and he was 25. I am stuggling with a lot of resentment toward him for not providing what I always invisioned would be my married life
I know that I have a lot of unadressed childhood issues that were being poor, my mom leaving me and my alcoholic dad when I was 15, moving almost every two years, to name a few. I realize that I carry that crap with me but I don't like to dwell on them, that doesn't change how I feel. My husband and I started out as poor college students like most people but my husband has bounced from job to job over the last 13 years and we have moved a lot too. We even lived with his mom two different times during our marriage.We have moved back and forth from our current town three times in the last 10 years and I hope we are back for good now. The last town we lived in was the first time that I had a job that I really enjoyed and made me feel good about myself.In my opinion, my husband didn't even try to make things work there and basically destroyed it all for reasons I don't understand.We bought our first home and decided to have another child there and I was happy. He said he couldn't stand living in that town anymore and wanted to sell our home, me give up my job (after he got fired from the best job he ever had) and move back to where we are now. My kids were happy and involved in stuff and I didn't really think that we would move. I went along with all this thinking that our house would never sell, but it did and we moved.I thought I could handle this move since I used to love living in this town before.
So we moved and things were a little bumpy but I've tried to keep my chin up. I managed to get a job doing what I was before and I thought that would help me settle in. It didn't. I have struggled with depression for many years and tried every med imaginable. Recently I decided that the depression was bad enough again that I started taking meds again.I'm not sure that it's making much difference.
Ok, to the problem, I started drinking more and more and recently started smoking. I don't know why I started smoking since I haven't smoked since before I met him. He found out I was smoking and flipped out. He has equated this to cheating on him and now says that he can't have sex with me because I'm smoking and now it's that I'm drinking too much although he has been drinking right along with me. We tryed to have a few days alone this last few days and all we did was fight about my smoking. I'm sick of what I see as overreacting. Now he says that he is moving out. I just can't help but think this is crazy. All over smoking?

Welcome to the board rox39807,
It sounds like you haven't been telling your husband what you want. For example, you said you went along with the idea of moving thinking your house would never sale but it did. You should have told your husband that you are your kids were happy and that you were tired of moving. You need to work on your communication with your husband. How is he supposed to know what you want if you don't tell him?
It also sounds like both of you should consider attending AA meeting. Think of what you went through growing up with an alcoholic father. Do you really want your children growing up with two alcoholic parents?
You might also want to think about marriage counseling. I am sure the smoking is just an excuse your husband is using to move out. There is a lot more going on in your marriage than that.
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