At the End of My Rope
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| Fri, 05-16-2008 - 12:51pm |
A little background info: my husband and I have been married for three years, and have a two year old son together. We have had a lot of problems throughout our relationship, most of them stemming from the fact that we are still very young, and trying to grow up ourselves, while also having a young child. We have always loved each other, but have been going to counseling for about the past two years now. It has helped us in many ways.
For quite awhile, we had developed a pattern where we would get into terrible fights, and almost weekly myself or my husband would leave and go to our respective parents houses. We were never seperated for very long, and always wanted to make it work, and came back together.
The problem I am seeing now is that during this time where we were fighting and leaving almost constantly,I think we were not able to clearly see what our core issues were, because we were constantly in the middle of this chaos. Now, we have stopped this pattern of leaving whenever we have a fight, and our fights are much less frequent. Which is GREAT - don't get me wrong! But I am now seeing that our problems come from the fact that my husband is EXTREMELY immature, and I have literally never seen him handle a problem or a disagreement in a positive,productive, mature way. I am tired of always being the one to try to work out problems, while he just apparently doesn't give a damn.
A recent example would be that I was upset at him for something he had said to me, and I guess he was trying to make it up to (even though he wasn't doing it in a sweet apologetic way), he just expected me to immediately get over this, and because I guess I wasn't doing it in the way he wanted, he immediately freaked out, and said F*** You!! I was floored. How does a supposedly grown man conduct himself this way??!! I am tired of trying to work things out with someone who conducts himself this way. I am tired of being the only mature adult in this relationship!
And I don't know if counseling can help us anymore, because I feel that if you love someone you WANT to work out problems with them, because you care. Not escalate them more because you can't handle saying " I'm sorry this hurt you, and I will try not to do this next time." Not F*** You, because I dared to be upset over something HE did! And his continued behavior is starting to make me wonder if he even loves me at all. I do love him, but when he acts like this, it is the biggest turn off ever for me, and I have seriously considered just going our seperate ways, while still remaining friends and co-parents to our wonderful little boy.
I am sorry this is so long winded, but I am deeply distraught over this. Am I making too much of this, or do you think there is any hope for us??

Welcome to the board bumble8bee,
It's very hard to be with someone when their behavior is not acceptable to you and you think it stems from immaturity.
But I am now seeing that our problems come from the fact that my husband is EXTREMELY immature, and I have literally never seen him handle a problem or a disagreement in a positive,productive, mature way.
So with a little counseling, you are now the mature one and see that all of your problems stem from your husband.