engaged and now freaking out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
engaged and now freaking out
4
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 3:25pm
My fiancé proposed to me almost a month ago. We were so happy for about a day or two. Then he started acting differently. He seemed to want to hang out with his friends more and just being a little more distant. He seems to be acting a little childish and acting out when I ask him to do something. He seems to feel like this is it. Is this normal? I think he is generalizing and thinking I will be this crazy person and not "let" him do anything. He still says he wants to get married but just didn't think he would be this scared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 5:16pm

Is it normal? Kind of. You are right about the feeling of "this is it".

I would give him some time. But, it's important that he knows the change you notice in him is not making you feel good. I would tell him that it's difficult for you to feel happy (during a time when you should feel happy) when you feel like he's not there with you. I would also tell him that you love him and the way this relationship is, and just because you're committing to one another, you don't want it to change your relationship.

I would also try to be aware that perhaps you are acting differently, too. Perhaps it's a possibility you haven't noticed, it's just something worth thinking about. Right now he is sensitive, I wouldn't say "scared" necessarily. During this time I would be careful not to be critical of him and to show him that you don't plan on taking away his freedom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 5:25pm
I would bring it up to him in a very non-accusational way about the things that he has been doing differently. Be "matter of fact" if you will.


"I think he is generalizing and thinking I will be this crazy person and not "let" him do anything."

Is that your assumption? I'd have a real adult open conversation about things you have noticed that are out of the norm for him and talk about it so that you don't have to make any more assumptions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 7:54pm
We have had adult conversations about it. He said he doesn't know why he feels this way. He is just not as excited as he thought he would be. It is a big permanent thing. He thinks I will try to control him and I don't know really why. He says it is because my aunts are strong willed women and control their husbands and he doesn't want to be that way. I told him we wouldn't but I think he is still scared. He did call his parents to Invite them to dinner with my mom. We are moving in together this weekend which is probably causing all this scaredness
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 11:32am

That's good he can at least express his fears to you openly.

How long have you dated?