Engaged to be Engaged!
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Engaged to be Engaged!
| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 7:52am |
I'm not sure if I'm being very silly and worrying over nothing or if I have a valid reason for fretting. I have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. He is 42 and I am 33. He has never been married before - he just never met the right person. On New Year's Eve, he told me he would ask me to marry him this year. I thought it strange that he would tell me instead of just doing it but was really excited all the same. He is not the romantic kind and isn't exactly spontaneous either. So telling me he would propose this year is just his way I suppose. Naturally, being a woman, I started to ask myself when it would be. A weekend away in February? No. My birthday in June? No. In late June, he said that he had been thinking about it a lot and how would I like to pick out a ring and we could announce our engagement at Christmas, thereby giving him time to pay off the ring. I thought this was strange, picking a ring 6 months before announcing our engagement and not being able to tell anyone or wear the ring/plan the wedding for six months but went along with it and reckoned he would pay off the ring early and propose to me on holiday this August. I can't understand why he didn't start saving for the ring in January when marriage was obviously in his head and then when he had the money saved in June, he could have proposed and we could have announced our engagement then! Just before we went on holiday to Spain, I thought I overheard him asking a friend who had been to Spain also, where would be a good place. The friend said a lovely country hotel where we would be staying. I assumed they were talking about where would be a good place for him to propose. So again I got all excited. It didn't happen. So now we're back from holiday and I'm down in the dumps because he didn't propose! I suppose what is hard is that when someone tells you on New Year's Eve, that they are going to propose this year, I don't think it's very fair that they keep you waiting til Christmas. It's very stressful! I don't care about the ring and the wedding. I am just so anxious to start my new married life with him. All sorts of things are going through my head as to why he is waiting until Christmas. He says it's to give him time to pay for the ring. But he is on a very good salary, has a large disposable income etc. So I'm worrying that he's not sure and is putting it off for as long as possible. I want to get married next year. I feel that as he is 42 and I am 33, we really shouldn't be wasting any more time and there should be more urgency to us settling down. But we haven't even discussed when or where we'll tie the knot.
Do you think I should wait until Christmas and see what happens? He is a man of his word and I know that if he said he'd propose at Christmas, he will. That means though that I am getting stressed out as I'm so impatient etc. We do have a problem in that we don't communicate very well. I don't know if he's planning on us getting married next year or in two years time! I feel stressed because I feel my future is in his hands. This time next year I could be married or everything could still be the same! Do you think I should talk to him now and tell him how I'm feeling?
Do you think I should wait until Christmas and see what happens? He is a man of his word and I know that if he said he'd propose at Christmas, he will. That means though that I am getting stressed out as I'm so impatient etc. We do have a problem in that we don't communicate very well. I don't know if he's planning on us getting married next year or in two years time! I feel stressed because I feel my future is in his hands. This time next year I could be married or everything could still be the same! Do you think I should talk to him now and tell him how I'm feeling?

I know lots of people who even though they aren't "officially" engaged they talk about when they will get married, what kind of wedding they want, how they will pay for the wedding and other important things like how money, kids and religion will be handled after they are wed.
Have you 2 talked about that kind of stuf at all?
I wouldn't bring the proposal/ring into the discussion at all. You don't want to sit there and ask him, "Can I have my ring now?"
So, just sit him down one night, make it a comfortable time, and tell him you have been thinking of the future and you need to know what the time table is so you and him can make plans.
I know it's not as romantic as a man getting down on one knee and popping the question, but few people I know are completely surprised by a proposal, usually the woman knows it is coming b/c they have looked at rings and talked about weddings/and marriage life.
If during this future discussion he seems not interested then perhaps you have a reason to worry that he might have changed his mind. Since he has never married - he may be more worried about making that huge leap at this stage in his life since he has been a bachelor for so long.