Engaged but he still won't marry me!
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Engaged but he still won't marry me!
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:33pm |
J and I have been dating for 10 years. Four years ago he proposed to me and three years ago we moved in together. The problem is that he won't actually marry me. Everytime I set a date, he backs out. This time it has went farther than before because I set a date and picked out my dress- we were supposed to get married June 5. (Usually he backs out long before). Now he says we can't afford to pay for a wedding, so we can't get married. We are college graduate students with jobs, but we do struggle some months to make ends meet. I've already told everyone we were getting married. I am so embarrassed and sad! I don't want to tell everyone he has backed out on getting married for the third time. Does this mean he doesn't really want to get married at all? Should I leave him? If there is no chance we will ever get married- I want out so that I can really find someone who will marry me, even though I love him. (I've told him this before, but he claims up and yells when I try to get him to talk to me about getting married).
I've stood by his side through alot and I've always put his needs before mine, but enough is enough- I'm ready to get married!
I've stood by his side through alot and I've always put his needs before mine, but enough is enough- I'm ready to get married!
Signatures On
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:01pm |
Tell your guy you want to get married right away and money is not an issue. Tell him you want to go to the courthouse or fly to Vegas for an instant wedding. I'm sure if he loves you and wants to marry you it won't matter where or how you get married. Then he'll have no excuse why you can't get married. If he backs out you know where he stands with you.
| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:19am |
Girl I am in the same boat. My fiancee and I have been dating for 5 years now and have lived together for 4. Our son is about to turn 5 in July and we have wedding rings we wear but every time we set a date I get the same excuses you do. We don't have the money, it's not the time....ect. I tried forcing the issue last weekend, said we could just go to the courthouse and get it over with and when we have the money then have the wedding. He found a whole new bunch of excuses to throw at me so now I don't really know what to do. The only reason we have the rings is because I told his mom and MADE him go get them from her. My reasonings for getting married is so that if anything happens to me our house is in my name and I would want him to have some kind of say so in what happens to it. Right now my mom is designated to everything I have, and everything we have acquired is in my name. I also want to do this in case anything happens between us, so I won't be stuck paying for everything we have. I would really like to know what these men's problem is with marriage!!!
| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:29am |
3 years, huh? That sounds like an awfully long time. I would just sit down and ask point blank if he ever has any plans to marry you and if he's having any issues (other than the lack of funds). You deserve to know the truth, and I'm betting he's not telling you everything.
| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:39am |
IMO enough time has elapsed for you to have figured out that you and he do not want the same thing from this relationship. How many times does a man have to back out of marrying you before you "get it"? You are putting yourself through needless torture. If it were me, I'd move on. Good luck though.
| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 3:53pm |
I think it's more than obvious that this guy doesn't want to marry you. If I were you, I would look at all the past proof (dating for so long, being engaged for so long, living together for so long, and him calling off the marriage so many times), and I would be finding a new place to live. He already has all the benefits of being married to you anyways, and at this rate, he doesn't think you would leave him because you never have when he has backed out on you. You also said that you always put his needs before your own- that's a HUGE mistake that you have been making, and now this guy thinks he can do whatever he wants because you will deal with it- and you do. If you want to be with someone who wants the same things you want- find someone else because the two of you don't want the same things. Otherwise, accept that this is who he is, that he doesn't want to marry you, and that it is enough for you. I really don't see why you have stayed with someone for so long who clearly doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
