Engaged in love but not in lust?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Engaged in love but not in lust?!
4
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 9:14pm
Hello out there :) I was wondering if i could get some advice: i have absolutely everything i want out of life but am not happy. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and we finally planned and put a down payment on our destination wedding. I couldnt be happier! Except...i'm not. And i'm finding myself not sexually attracted to him anymore. Is there something wrong with me??? What do I do? Is this normal?!?! I love him & he is my best friend and the thought of being without him makes me sick. But I can't feel sexual attraction for him. Am i just sending myself off into a bad situation?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 9:47pm
Has it always been this way or did this start up fairly recently?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 11:05pm

Hi quarterlifecrisis,


How long have you been feeling this way? Do you think it is has to do with the stress of planning the marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 8:24am
i've never been very sexually attracted to him- even though we had a good sex life- if that makes any sense. The sex & us not being on the same intelligense level are the 2 big ones i keep coming back to. (i was blessed/cursed with a ridiculously high IQ, i'm working on my 2nd Masters & PhD and ii tend to think abstractly about everything lol.) more recently, i found myself very attracted to one of my colleagues, a phd student but cant figure out if i'm attracted to him because he is what i should be looking for in a guy or if its just projection- because he has certain qualitites and knowledge that i desire... good god i must sound like a maniac.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:08am
I wonder if you're nitpicking because of you're nervous about your impending wedding. I agree with the other poster about getting some pre-marital counseling, as well as individual counseling for yourself. Sometimes it helps to talk out your problems to get to the bottom of the issue.