Ettiquette and being rude

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Ettiquette and being rude
15
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 9:30am

My boyfriend of 14 months now and I  go out with his friends (a couple) from time to time.  They have been friends for a long time and every time we have a conversation, it is between the 3 of them and I am totally out of the picture.  They look and talk to him only. As much as I try to strike up a conversation with them, they go right back to talking to my boyfriend.  I don’t have problems with other people, just this couple.   Is this rude or to be expected? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 10:34am

Seems rude to me or maybe they're just socially inept. I'm one of those people who goes out of my way to make others feel comfortable and included so people like that confuse me. You haven't done anything to offend them or you wouldn't be questioning their behavior. Maybe they've had bad experiences with one or more of his former girlfriends? Don't take it personally. My advice is to see as little of them as possible. If they insist on only being HIS friends, let HIM hang out with them. And if he questions you, calmly and flippantly explain that you prefer to spend your time with people who acknowledge and respect you. Don't even make it a big deal because they're really not a big deal, just a minor annoyance. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 11:51am

Yes this is pretty rude.  Does your BF try to include you in the conversation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 12:34pm
Not really
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 12:58pm

This is yet another example of why you and this man are not a match made in heaven.  You frequently ask if aspects of your relationship are "normal," or to be expected, but that is absolutely irrelevant.  Even if it's normal or expectable, it doesn't make you happy.  You are as entitled to happiness as anyone living, but you will NEVER be happy with this man--the two of you are just too different, and to be frank, he really doesn't care whether you are happy or not.

You need to gather your self-esteem and find someone who'll put you first.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 2:24pm

  This is very common.  When people have been friends for a long time they develop ways of relation that is difficult for a new person to fathom.  Yes it is a bit rude.  The question is how is he and you with other people?  Is there a his friends, your friends break?  If not then let this slide.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 4:25pm

OK so if a person is outside an established group, sometimes there is a tendency to talk about things the outsider doesn't share or "remember when" type of things.  (This is why I think it's a bad idea to bring a spouse to a class reunion where everyone is going to reminisce & it's going to be very boring for them.)  But not only are these people being rude, but your BF is being even more rude if he allows them to exclude you from the conversation & doesn't try to include you either.  I agree w/ Geoteo--I just can't see why you hang on to this guy--are you really that afraid to be alone that you would stick in such an unsatisfying relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 11:05am

Testing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 3:26pm

It isn't rude it's just a scoial way of being. If you love the guy and want to stay with him just keep participating in the conversations, don't try to hard though. Before you know it you'll be included without realizing, if you aren't, accept that they won't accept you or leave him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2012
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 7:54pm

it's rude...and not to be expected. you should tell your boyfriend and how it makes you feel. he should be concerned with your feelings. he could speak to them or just not spend time (or as much time) with them as couples.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2012
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 7:54pm

it's rude...and not to be expected. you should tell your boyfriend and how it makes you feel. he should be concerned with your feelings. he could speak to them or just not spend time (or as much time) with them as couples.

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