Ever just want to run?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Ever just want to run?
4
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 5:21pm

I love my husband, we are in a decent second marriage. He thinks everything is fine. He refuses to talk to me about our serious issues and is not interested in counseling. Every time I talk to him, he zones out, changes the subject or falls asleep (day and night). I think I am getting more and more angry. I guess I just want him to hear me, validate my feelings,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:13pm

One of the most important things is to realise that his lack of reaction indicates that he feels pressured to do something he doesn't want to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:47pm

Welcome to the board happywife12007,


It is hard to give advice without knowing the issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:52pm

It's easy to "click" with someone... It's not easy to find someone who is compatible and who you will have a long-lasting connection with. A click is not something a marriage can be built on. It seems you're trying to come to terms with the fact that you're going to have to communicate better for this to work.

How long has he been like this? If it's a recent change then maybe there's something that can be done; but if he's always been prone to avoiding tough conversations then you should probably cut your losses... again. People only change when they think they need to and they recognize they have a problem. He coasts through life, most likely, not making problems because he chooses to avoid conflict at whatever cost. That's not a "real" relationship, it's a fantasy land that only HE is living in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 8:06am
If he is saying things are fine, than that means things are fine FOR HIM. It doesn't sound as though they are fine for you. If you are telling him the marriage is decent, then he may not be understanding that. Next time he throws you the line that "things are fine" look him straight in the eye, and tell him in a clear, confident voice. "No. Things may be fine for you. They are NOT fine for me. I really have not been happy." If he really does care about being a good husband who wants to make you happy, he will sit up and listen and start trying to change. If he can ignore a statement as blatant as that, or if he tries to tell you that are blowing things out of proportion, you should really consider if you want to stay in the relationship. You have a right to your feelings, and a good man would care about trying to make you happy.