The ex
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| Sun, 08-12-2007 - 11:04pm |
Hi,
About 5 months ago, I started dating a boy and entered a longterm relationship for the first time.
We've been dating for about 6 months now. Everything is pretty good. Sometimes, he's not entirely upfront and vocal about his feelings, but I can still see that he loves me.
There's just one thing that really bothers me, his x-girlfriend... I have to relate the whole story. We're both quite young (20, ok I may been a late bloomer..) and she's the only person that he has ever been in a long term relationship with. It ended well. He doesn't have very many friends and considers her to be his best friend still.
The problem is that sometimes I feel like she's more important to him than me. Sometimes, I'll invite him to do something and he'll refuse in order to do something with her instead. He also had a picture of her in his room even 4 months into our relationship. (and none of me) And didn't take it down until I got quite angry with him and I did drop numerous hints that I was uncomfortable with it before hand.
I also feel like he compares me with her a lot and almost all the things that he likes about me (physically anyway) I have in common with her (Asian decent, dark skin tone) and also of the things he asks me to change are things that she possesses. (growing my hair long and my nails as well, but I guess these are common traits that guys like.)
The worst thing about the whole thing is that when I confront him about my insecurities, he blows them off and he refuses to admit that he's done anything of the slightest wrong. (Well, to be precise, he says that he doesn't if he's wrong or I'm wrong) And does nothing to make me feel better about the situation, just carries on with her as he always did.
It makes me unhappy, but there are other things about our relationship that make me really happy. I just wish this one thing would change. (Well, truth be told, I wish that he were more considerate of my feelings but then this would follow anyway.) But I want to fix this, I want him to understand how unhappy this makes me., but I feel like whenever I try to talk to him about it, he never understands.
And I also want to know if it's just me being too insecure. I feel like I am an insecure person. I'm also unhappy about this because I feel like he's done everything with her first and I'm just second.. And everytime I see her or think about her, this is how I feel.
Thanks for any help,
quietisthenewloud

It's downright STUPID of a man to keep a picture of his ex-girlfriend on display while he's dating someone else. It's also stupid of him to continually compare you two, or blow off your plans in order to do something with her.
So you can either accept that he's violently opposed to your concerns and be okay with it, or you can go. Me, I'd be out the door. I don't like men who are hung up on their exes or choose them over me.
Welcome to the board quietisthenewloud,
Trust your gut feeling.
::He doesn't have very many friends and considers her to be his best friend still.
Sorry, but most people I know want the person they are in a long-term committed relationship with to be their BEST friend, not someone else of the opposite sex.
::I also feel like he compares me with her a lot and almost all the things that he likes about me (physically anyway) I have in common with her (Asian decent, dark skin tone) and also of the things he asks me to change are things that she possesses. (growing my hair long and my nails as well, but I guess these are common traits that guys like.)
Sorry, hair and nail aren't necessarily 'common traits' that guys like.
You know, since she is the only person he's been in a relationship with, maybe he just doesn't know the "rules" about ex-etiquette?
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So, as a whole, he is inconsiderate of your feelings? Why do you want to continue to date someone who's not considerate of your feelings?
Is it just me, or shouldn't this be a minimum requirement in a boyfriend?