Ex doesn't want other women in his life

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Ex doesn't want other women in his life
4
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:54pm
I have been dating a man now for about 3 months - he is divorced and has a 4 year old daughter - his ex wife has stated that if there are women at the house when his daughter is there she will not let him see her - I know that they should have some sort of visitation agreement with the divorce but at the time he was in transition between jobs and houses and she got full physical custody and they don't have anything in writing about visitation - trust me I looked - he is reluctant to take her back to court because he says she is being very good about everything - so though I spend most of my time with him when his daughter comes over I am asked to leave and when she goes home he calls me and we then get together to spend time ... Am I being unfair to think that he should put his foot down with the ex or should I give it more time and see where it goes? I am confused about it all ...... any advice would help.....Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 2:01pm
Laws vary state to state. Have him make a consult appt with an attorney to ask if she has a legal leg to stand on and go from there.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:52pm
This is never an easy discussion.

I am currently dating a man, who has a 4, almost 5 year old son and we have been dating for almost a year. I can tell you the first months of the relationship was hard because the ex-wife was insanely jealous of me being in her son's life. Although my boyfriend has custody of his son. I think your relationship is new enough for the space he wants when he has his daughter to be okay. It is so tricky when you get involved with men with children. At the same time, if you and him have a good relationship and you both think this will move further than it already is, he should put his foot down and explain to the ex-wife that you are a very important part of his life and so is his daughter, so there should be no reason you all can't be together when he has his daughter. His ex is still trying to conrol the situation that is seemingly out of control to her. The ex cannot shelter the two of them forever. Life moves on and if you are in a constant state of living life under conditions it will never move forward...which is what life is all about. In my situation my boyfriend stuck up for me and I was allowed to form a bond with his son. The unfortunate part is that this has it's good side and bad. We'll just say there isn't a week that goes by now that we don't have some kind of drama coming from the ex's side. It is very hard because there is a 3rd party indirectly involved in your relationship, which gives it a rather unfair start and unfair obstacles as you two are trying to form your foundation of the relationship. It is hard, very hard. But if you can be patient and work through the hurt and drama, it will be so worth it. But it is a lot of heartache. But if you believe in this relationship...go with what your heart is telling you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:37am
You could be assuming that his "ex doesn't want other women in his life" when, in fact, her major concern could just be her daughter. She's only four years old so probably doesn't have a good understanding of what happened between her parents, you've only been dating for three months... you're not at the point where you're engaged or anything that will be a more stable/permanent fixture in his daughter's life. I truly don't think she's being unreasonable -- and what's his history here? Have there been other women? Maybe the ex has said "no gf's" 'til she's sure her daughter won't be facing a parade of gf's in her father's life -- that's waaay too confusing for a four year old! Think about it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:50am
You have only been dating for 3 months give it some time. Once you two have a solid relationship I'm pretty sure he will put his foot down. I have kids so I understand where she is coming from. I wouldn't go to that extreme that she is doing but everyone is different. Just give it some time. It'll work out and if not move on.