Ex relationship advice
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 05-24-2008 - 2:14am |
I dated this girl for 8 years, we were engaged. Due to numerous heartbreaks, we had our problems like everyone else. Eventually, she moved back home. It has now been 9 months and we are both in relationships. However, we talk on the phone EVERY SINGLE DAY. It is mostly her that calls me, Her mother and sister and I still talk on the phone. She also has contact with my family as well. We had not seen each other since Christmas untill recently. On a business trip, she invited me to go meet her. I did. We had a great time and things were just like they always were. No sex by the way. It has been hard because we talk so much, she has said over and over how she cannot imagine me not in her life, her mother and sister also believe we are meant to be together but just have issues to deal with on our own. They have also told me that she values my opinion more than anyone, including them. She has also said the same.

correct me if i have got it wrong,
you both broke up 9 months ago and say ILU everyday but are in Rs with other people. You want her back.
thats very confusing !
only advise i can give is that break from your present R and dont get back with her.give yourself time to find what you want, you may realize that none of them is right for you !
you will search for her in other girls and will never find her because she is her own person .
love hurts,if its not with you.
break off from her completely , dont say ILUs .go NC . if in 9 months you havent seen each other ( thats what i get from your very confusing post,sorry!), do you remember how she looks? i forget easily :).
from heissick:
"correct me if i have got it wrong,
you both broke up 9 months ago and say ILU everyday but are in Rs with other people. You want her back.
thats very confusing ! "
Not only that but you also say: "she is the ONLY woman I ever dated and has always said I need to go out and date other people", yet you are both in relationships. nasdaq you might have to clear this stuff up first before I can really help, I'm too confused about the state of things. I will try though.
This girl has told you that she doesn't want to date you right now but she's just thrilled to keep you around even though it's sabotaging your chances of finding someone else to be happy with.
This girl is getting exactly what she wants while you're cringing without her. She's keeping you around as a fall-back guy. If that doesn't hurt enough to end it then I don't know what will. If you want to have a chance to really find someone, stop talking to your ex completely. You feel guilty about it because you should. I am a woman and it makes me ANGRY to see you treat another woman this way when you're in a relationship with her. Knock it off, end it with the girl you're dating now. Be a man instead of a boy.
You should realize that you don't have any hope of finding happiness with someone other than your ex if you are still talking to her. You're keeping old feelings hanging on, I know you don't WANT to move on from her but she's moved on from you. She doesn't need you like you need her, but it makes her happy to know that you're sticking around for her anyway. I don't think she's telling you to date other people for YOUR personal growth. She's saying that because she wants to see her current relationship through.
Either get back together or move on, but the "I love you" phone calls HAVE to stop. Make a decision with her today. Tell her, "I love you and I'm unhappy without you. I want to be in a relationship with you, and if you can't do that, then I need to move on and not talk to you anymore." And be serious about it. Right now your life is on PAUSE and you should never, ever do that. You will not grow or learn anything if you stop your world from spinning because you're waiting for someone else.
Major abandonment issues explain some of her behavior but it is not a reason why you should continue to be in her life. Breakups are a part of life; people come and go and if she has to have a breakdown when someone important is not there anymore, then she should focus on having healthy, long-lasting relationships and separating friendship from romance.
'And if I am a fall back guy then why did she invite me to meet her on the trip? While we were on the trip SHE told me that she invited me because she felt that she owed it to "us" to see "where we were at"'
I can't explain all of her behavior, or why she says certain things. People with issues and insecurities like she has do things simply because it feels good at the time, because they are lonely, or just because they're thinking of it. She wanted to test things with you, I'm not sure how that contradicts being the #2 boyfriend in her life. She's confused but she still wants you around, she's just not able to commit to you or know for sure that you're the right guy. I'm sure you are a big part of her stability.
Welcome to the board nasdaq9671,
I agree with the others. I just wanted to say.... start No Contact.