The ex is still on both our minds
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The ex is still on both our minds
| Mon, 06-25-2007 - 12:44pm |
I've been dating my SO for 3 months now, I'm in the process of moving in with him, we have a pretty great relationship, I think we're a good match and I love him to pieces, I know he loves me as well... but of course there is a catch. From the get go his ex harassed us, she even came up to me on a couple of occasions and told me she was still in love with him, she needed him as a part of her life, even that he was still seeing her when he started dating me. Which is a lie. However he was still "hanging out" with her after the fact, up till I came in the picture. So minus her hanging around the neighborhood (he finally called the cops and she got a warning to stop calling and coming over) she's fairly out of the picture. However I am still angry and feel somewhat threatened. they were together for 3 yrs, shared a bank account, she was on his mortgage... it was serious. Which wouldn't bother me so much if she wasn't still lingering. And that we always talk about her, partly my fault, partly his. Last week he mentioned something about how someone told him she'd lost weight, and then somewhere in there he talked something about what a great sex life they had had at first... And of course right now I'm just not in the mood (can't imagine whY!?) I love him, I do want it to work but I don't even feel like I trust him and I don't know why. I don't want her to control us but at the same time, when he talks about going places just to make her uncomfortable and jealous... well. Makes me feel uncomfortable and jealous. Most of my paranoia comes from those intial setbacks but now what do I do?

Welcome to the board dixibella,
I see red flags. Please do not move in with him right now. Him wanting to go places just to make her uncomfortable and jealous shows that he clearly is not over her yet. Do not move in with together at this time.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board dixibella,
How long have they been broken up?
BFP: April 4th 2010
Natural M/C: April 17th 2010 @ 6wks 5 days
Yep, I agree with the last poster. If he's still bitter, then he's not moved on from this yet. Of course, no one blames him for being bitter after having been cheated on, but unfortunately, he isn't healed yet. And if he's still carrying that baggage around, which he clearly is, he's not ready for another relationship yet.
I would NOT move in with him yet. 3 months is far too soon anyway. You've known him for 2 years, but you have NOT known what he's like as a romantic partner to you. What's the hurry? Why not wait a few more months to take that step and let the relationship develop, if you intend to stay in it?
Although my bottom line advice would be to back off completely for awhile until he deals with what he needs to deal with.