ex wife causing problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
ex wife causing problems
8
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 9:40am

my boyfriends ex-wife is causing major problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 10:59am

Welcome the board glhdonkin,


I agree that her behavior is erratic. I think it is a good idea to met her even if you think she has other motives. I would not give her

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:01am

over a year - we moved in together in may.


i know that she is winning whenever i get flustered, but it is every day something new.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:12am

Does your bf agree with your about her behavior? Is he planning on talking to her about things?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:22am

he has talked and talked til he is blue in the face- told her she wan't getting a key - she lied about how she knew where we lived, and our apartment saying the apartment complex called her (they don't even know her name) we are the only ones on the lease (besides our children).


And we tried to do the right thing with his 7 year old son, we have waited to have him come stay with us, usually when my bf has him he goes to visit his mom for the weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:55am

I know this isn't very good advice, but with a person like this I think all you can do is learn to ignore what they do and brush it off.


My father-in-law is crazy and rude. He really gets to my sister-in-law (my husband's brother's wife), but I have learned to just laugh off most things he does. Otherwise, he would drive me insane. You just have to remember this is the way they are that they aren't going to change and you just have to deal with it.


You don't want her to be the reason your relationship doesn't work out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 3:11pm
I'm sorry you're in this situation. There's nothing you can do about her behavior except ignore it (don't take it personally) and set your boundaries as a couple. You and your boyfriend will have to present a united front on the rules and boundaries that you set with her (ie. no key, limiting calls, stopping the snooping, etc). If you disagree, do it privately, but you two will need to figure out what to say to her (come up with a 'party line' so to speak). Finally, make a record of all of the weird things she does, like the note for example. Write down dates, times, details, anything and everything. This is just in case you need to put a restraining order on her later. I know that sounds extreme right now, but you never know. Sending people to spy on you is stalkerish behavior. It's not normal nor is it right. Clearly, her friends don't know right from wrong either, so be careful. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 3:56pm

i know, but by the time he gets home after dealing with her phone calls all day he doesn't want to talk about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:14pm

Sounds like a plan.

Maybe after work is not the best time to talk. Try on the weekend. Or at least tell him you want to talk about it, to come up with a plan together. You don't have to have that conversation there and then.