EX WIFE CHILD SUPPORT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
EX WIFE CHILD SUPPORT
4
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 2:11pm
I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND IS NOW GIVING HIS EX AN ADDITIONAL $100 A MONTH FOR CHILD SUPPORT. SO NOW HE IS CURRENTLY GIVING HER $500/MTH FOR ONE CHILD. MIND YOU SHE BRINGS IN A NICE PAYCHECK, HAS A TRUST FUND, AND GOES ON EXPENSIVE LEISURE TRIPS ALL AROUND THE WORLD. ME..(HIS CURRENT WIFE)...IS SITTING HERE EATTING CANNED TUNA FOR LUNCH AND SPAGETTI EVERY NIGHT FOR DINNER. WE DON'T HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE BECAUSE WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. I HAVE A SERIOUS EYE CONDITION, THE KIDS AND I NEED TO GO TO THE DENTIST, MY DAUGHTER NEEDS TO SEE A BACK DOCTOR FOR A SPINAL DISORDER, MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO GET INVOLVED IN EXTRA ACTIVITIES, BUT NOOOOOOO WE CAN'T AFFORD ALL THESE NEEDS. I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS OVER 7k SITTING IN HIS BANK ACCOUNT !! HE SAYS THAT HE WORKS SO MUCH WHICH IS ANOTHER ISSUE, HE IS NEVER AROUND AND JUST TOLD ME LAST NIGHT HE GOING TO ADD AN ADDITIONAL NIGHT TO HIS WORK SCHEDULE, SAYS HE IS WORKING SO MUCH SO THAT HE MAY PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY....HA WHAT IS HE PROVIDING FOR ...TELL YOU - A $30K MOTORCYCLE AND GIVING HIS EX WIFE MORE MONEY. SO WHAT IS HE WORKING SO HARD AND SO MUCH FOR ....TO BE ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR HIM AND HER ????? WHAT DO I DO?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 2:38pm
Was the additional $100/month voluntary or court ordered?

Seek the help of a financial counslor and a marriage counselor.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 2:58pm
VOLUNTARY - ALL OF IT IS VOLUNTARY THERE IS NO COURT ORDER
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 3:46pm
Are the daughter and kids you refer to as "yours", both of yours or yours from a previous relationship? Are you getting child support from their father? Did you two used to have a relationship where financial decisions are made jointly and that has changed or have you always done that separately? Have you always had separate bank accounts? What percentage of his income does that $500 represent? Are you able to work outside the home to help provide for the needs of your children? Is he eating the tuna and spagetti and going without medical care along side you and still giving the $500/mo?

Maybe it's just that you posted in all CAPS that you seem angry that he's giving her anything and maybe jealous of her lifestyle. Keep in mind, the money he pays in child support is to cover part of the cost of raising his child. It's not for the mother, it's for the child, who is partially his responsibility regardless of the mother's net worth or income.

Some people live in the 'there's not enough to go around' paradigm and feel the need to hoard (and this does not just apply to money) Others live believing 'there's plenty for everyone' and share whereever and whatever they can. My bf pays more in child support than he is court ordered to because he realizes the rising cost of raising a teenage girl. He meets the financial obligations that we agreed on and makes his own decisions on the rest of his money. I think him giving more than he *has to* is a very nobel thing for him to do. Sure it would be great to have that extra money to spend but, at what cost to his relationship with his daughter?

I would say that if your H is not living up to a commitment he made with you regarding what he will pay for, in your current family situation, then you have a right to be angry. If he's fulfilling his agreed upon obligation to you, then you really have no right to complain. If you don't have an agreement, I suggest getting to a counsellor and hammering one out. This situation will build resentment and needs resolution.

Keep looking up^, Susan.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 7:57pm
Since he's doing it voluntarily, I would say he's motivated by guilt and I think you should have a discussion about marriage counseling.


Carrie