ex-wife, etc

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
ex-wife, etc
1
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:05pm
I've been with a guy (he's 36) for close to two years. He was married for 7, and separated for 6 months before we met. He divorced her officially 5 months into our relationship, and we moved into together a couple months later (after dating 8 months). He never spoke well of the marriage. He said he regretted it from the start (it was a spontaneous decision he made while out of the country). He hadn't known her long. I think we moved in too soon. When we would argue (we'd have a fairly large fight once a month) he'd tell me to get out, and start packing my things. Finally, after living together for 8 months (until this past Dec.), I left town to visit my family for a month. He had told me to move out this time because he was mad that I was going out a couple times a week with a male friend. When I came back to town, I got my own place, and ever since he has been staying here almost every night. We don't fight anymore, and all across the board our relationship has improved. Today, he checked his email from my apartment, and left his email open on the screen (bad of me to look I know). But there was a letter to his ex-wife that seemed fairly typical and friendly, but he told her he thought about her often, missed her and signed it "All my heart". I know he has guilt because he's the one who asked her to leave. I know it is normal to have remorseful and regretful feelings, but I am still left questioning what he is going through. I have asked him, and he admits the guilt. He says he didn't know if he ever loved her. He has consistently said he loves me, and I know that the time apart made him realize it more. And I feel the same way. But I am wondering if even after almost 3 years away from her, if he still thinks he misses her, if I need to end it for a while with him, or just be patient and accept his words to her as normal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: filmlady1
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:07pm
After 3 yrs, I'd say his guilt is too much. Has he been to any type of counseling?


Carrie