ex wife woes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
ex wife woes
4
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 6:55am
my fiance of 3 yrs still talks to his ex. I'm never sure what to do about it. I really resent their relationship, but I don't want to kill ours by making theirs an issue. I'm a single mom and a full time student. I'm carrying 18 credit hours this semester and I'm very busy. She is on disability because she has chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia. Last week, he commented that the last time they talked, she was taking a photography course. I had the distince impression that he thought this was great, and I had suspicions that he even paid for it, although he didn't say that. To make matters worse, I suffer from the same disease but I try to work through my pain and make my life better. I deeply resent the consideration he seems to give her regarding her health, especially since I suffer a great deal, but I'm knocking myself out trying to ensure a better life for myself and my daughter. She is older, has had a hysterectomy and has no children.

How do I deal with my resentment and should I be upset about their relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: mcamsa
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:36am
I would be concerned about it, too. I don't care what other people say, when a man and woman are friends, usually one or the other, or both, have something else in mind. Unfortunately, if he wants to be friends with her and be all compassionate towards her, there's probably not a lot you can do about it. I guess if I were you I would be looking for ways that they both might be using you, just to be careful; I'm not saying that's what is happening. However, since she's on disability, she probably doesn't get much money and maybe he doesn't make much, either. You said you push yourself in spite of your pain, though. Sometimes people respect people of integrity, and sometimes they just use them. I'm sorry if my comments may have caused you more pain, but if something like that is happening, just know that you can do better. You can find someone who will appreciate you for who you are. Best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: mcamsa
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 9:47am
How often do they see each other/talk on the phone? Does he invite you along? Do you think there is something romantic going on?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mcamsa
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:05am

If you're getting married, then you should definitely talk about all your financial issues with him, including your suspicion that he's giving her money, because that will affect you after your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: mcamsa
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 12:29pm
While I agree with Sheri to a degree, I think there are other considerations here to consider.... some kind of discussion needs to take place....like "I think it's great that you are such a generous person in regards to your ex. I think seeing the relationship between the two of you and how many similiarities there are between my health issues and her health issues, I think I'm feeling weird that my situation doesn't warrent the same kind of attention. I have to say that hearing about her photography course send an undetermined feeling about the relationship....did you pay for her class? .

This issue needs to be addressed, because if you two are getting married, then you have to know now that things aren't going to change.


Carrie