EX WON'T GO AWAY & OTHER PROBLEMS
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| Fri, 01-16-2004 - 1:32am |
He's now giving me more grief and I just don't know who's right and wrong. I live with my mother and she helped me buy our house. She is 77 and is a great lady, very easy to get on with and definitely not the interfering mother-in-law type. In fact all my sisters husbands have a great relationship with her! Except my b/f, he resents the time that i spend with her. I hate leavign her alone all the time so try to spend time with her as much as possible. I juggle both of them and spend abut four nights a week with my b/f and most of the weekend with him. The rest I spend with Mum, this leaves very little time for myself.
Tonight (Friday here in Australia) I'll be leaving work about 6pm and getting home at 6.30pm. I wanted to spend some time with mum, have a bath, etc etc and get to my boyfriends at 9pm. We're just staying in and he's cooking dinner. But he's now thrown a tantrum about me getting there at 9pm, he said it's too late to bother. Then he started carrying on that I don't spend enough time with him!
On top of all this, I run my own business which is very stressful adn demanding. I feel so drained. Mum is great but she does get lonely. But it's my b/f who causes the most grief. I said to him why doesn't he spend time at my place and he said he would (which is news to me!). So I said, well why not tonight? And he said he didnt' want to come over tonight (surprise surprise) because it's raining and he doesn't have a car. I replied that I wld pick him up just as I always do, but he doesn't want to. Yet he's giving me a hard time about getting to his place at 9pm.
A few weeks ago he three a major tantrum about me spending a couple of hours with my dogs and mum - about two hours! This is driving me nut. Is he being ridiculous?

well honey, he is acting the way he is acting. if you look at each incident as an isolated incident - then you can deal with it. but if you add up all these things together
Don't worry about who is right. Worry about getting out.
Actually, in a good relationship there needs to be a mutual sense of how much time the two individuals need to be together, and how much time they can tolerate apart. Some need more space and freedom to spend time at work, with friends and family, and feel suffocated by the demands of their partners to be with them more and more. It sounds to me as though there is a struggle going on here between your boyfriend and motehr (from his point of view). He wants you to prove to him that he is first, and when you spend time with her, especially time right after work when you are fresher and less tired than at 9 p.m., he feels that she is more important to you. It may simply be that you need to find someone who is more relaxed about this - someone perhaps who has family obligations of his own, and other demands upon him, so that he is quite satisfied with the same kind of schedule that you
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I know this sounds pathetic, but I'm now 38.5 years old and I am really wondering if this is the last chance I'll have to get married and have babies. I know full well that this is no reason to stay with the wrong person but ....... What if I leave him and never meet anyone else? What if I stay with him and my life is miserable?!
He can be so great a lot of the time, incredibly supportive of me adn the stress I go thrugh running my business. But other times he is so damn difficult to get on with and he gives me so much grief that I just don't need. He is selfish and immature and he also has a terrible temper that he doesn't bother controlling. He has blown up at me many times over very little. god, as I type this I'm seeing clearly that I need to get out of this relationship.
We fought all weekend. He had an affair about five months ago and left me for this woman. She dumped him because he doesn't make much money (he's always broke and borrowing money off me and I"m always paying for everything). Lately he's been saying that I'm just as bad as her! This has really hurt, it's pretty cruel. Because after some time I got onto him about working harder and making money he reckons I'm just as big a bitch as her. It's lovely being compared so nastily to the woman that he left me for.
It was only a day afer she dumped him that he came running back to me. Unfortunatley I knew nothing about her or that he'd had an affair, I only found this out afterwards. He said that he realised what a huge mistake he'd made and that's why he came back. I figured out the rest and confronted him. I then left him but took him back after much begging and pleading and promising me he'd change. He did change for a while but then started up with bad behaviour again.
Now he doesn't want me to spend any time with my Mum and girls (I have two beautiful West Highland White Terriers) and he refuses to accept me buying the house at the back of mine for my mum to live in. He doesn't want "the package". It's a totally separate house adn she would never be over bothering us - in fact she'd never come over as she hates him! But he won't agree to it, even though it's my money that would be buying it! He even had the audacity on the weekend to tell me that I couldn't pay the mortgage on Mum's house (she has no money) as it would take away funds that we could use!!!!! It's my money!
He owns nothing and couldn't even come up with a deposit for a house yet he's telling me that I can't pay Mum's mortgage! I make a lot of money from my business but this is only after six years of pure struggle, determination, stress and so on.
I'm staying away from him for a while to try and clear my head aas I feel so messed up. He just pushes me so much that I feel as though I'm going to have a breakdown. I suffer from clinical depression which I take medicine for but the stress of running a business; looking after my mum; financial problems which I've had for the past few years; and the grief that he gives me has pushed me to breaking point a few times.
I think that staying away from him and trying to clear my head is the best thing to do.
'He is selfish and immature'
'he also has a terrible temper that he doesn't bother controlling.'
'He has blown up at me many times over very little.'
' He had an affair about five months ago'
'This has really hurt, it's pretty cruel.'
'It's lovely being compared so nastily to the woman that he left me for.'
'It was only a day afer she dumped him that he came running back to me.'
'He did change for a while but then started up with bad behaviour again.'
'Now he doesn't want me to spend any time with my Mum and girls (I have two beautiful West Highland White Terriers)'
'he refuses to accept me buying the house at the back of mine for my mum to live in. '
Your mom hates him
'He owns nothing and couldn't even come up with a deposit for a house yet he's telling me that I can't pay Mum's mortgage! '
And do you really want a child with this man? What would he teach your child about morals, financial responsibility, treating others, anger, love, maturity, etc?
Gina