ex from years ago back in the picture
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| Mon, 12-31-2007 - 8:14pm |
Hi,
Could someone please help see objectively? My girlfriend (we are lesbians) recently ran into an ex from years ago. My gf claims that it was a sexual relationship not love. The woman has been a thorn in my side ever since. She admitted to me that she was attracted to her and was thinking about acting on it. I told her I didn't approve of the "new" friendship; it was ruining our relationship. She called the woman in front of me and said that she loves me to much to continue relationship of any sort.
A few weeks later they started talking on the phone. One call was received at 11pm! The woman moved to Europe 3 months ago and just returned for the holidays. She made time on a Friday to see my gf. I was devastated. My gf never told me where they were going and didn't call me all evening. I was tortured and destroyed. I sent email saying it was over with us.
I feel even if it was innocent and just friends ; it was so disrespectful. I think of it as she was willing to allow my pain in order to spend a few hours with this person.
The woman will be going back to Europe in a few days. Am I overreacting? I'm so hurt. She never called me, just said that I had put her through a lot of pain. (I have.) She said she no longer had sexual feelings toward the woman. She said she wanted our relationship to end because of what I put her through.
I love her & believe she loves me. I think she was just inconsiderate and selfish. However, she will not dismiss this woman and I will not accept this "friendship."
My pain, anger and sorrow are in the way of comprehending. Can you tell me how you would have handled that?
PS- I posted on the wrong message board. How can I remove it?

I think you're right, it was disrespectful for your GF to meet behind your back with her EX. She was secretive and she was maintaining a relationship with someone she knew made you uncomfortable. She does have a right to have friends and even have an EX as a friend, but the fact she would meet behind your back is not right. She probably did it because she knew what your reaction was going to be, but clearly the EX was a threat. It is unbelievable that she would tell you she wanted to act on her feelings with someone else. That's just wrong.
I think you will be better off without her. You deserve someone who will be true to you and you only.
Good luck.
P.S What message board were you looking for?
You are quite right. Your girlfriend behaved in a totally disrespectful and inconsiderate way towards you. She knows how you feel about her ex. She even taunted you with this relationship, saying she still had feelings for her and then spent time with her and didn't call all night. Your response was quite justifiable. Even though you may have feelings for her and her for you, feelings aren't enough to keep a relationship in good order. There must be respect, caring, open communication and the willingness to put your partner first. In this case, that is not present. If both of you want to get some counselling on this matter and really work at repairing what happened, things could be healed. But both must want this, and she must fully face her part in it.
All good wishes,
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I agree with you, too. Your feelings should come before a new friendship. If rekindling a relationship with an ex is a deal breaker for you then you were right to end it. Clearly your girlfriend would rather carry on the way she wants than respect your feelings. She was very inconsiderate of you, and you should come first.
"she will not dismiss this woman and I will not accept this "friendship."
Then there is your answer, it is over.
Try to give yourself some closure and stop talking to your now-ex-girlfriend. You deserve better than her and there are women out there who would be happy to put you before an ex.
HI there sundown,
Your girlfriend did a crappy thing to you.