Excluded and hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Excluded and hurt
4
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:51pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We are 25 and pretty serious (talking about moving in etc.). However, when I brought up the idea of splitting Easter between our families this year, he scoffed. I thought spend the morning at with my family and go to his for dinner, etc.

He's acting like I asked him to share his legs. It's like I'm not allowed to be included. He is an only child and it's appearing that their little triumverate is impenatrable, which worries me...

My thoughts were that we've been dating a while and it just seems natural to start sharing holidays together between our families and acclimating each other into each others families.

I just don't understand. I don't see the big deal here, neither of our families is religious and we celebrate Easter but don't make a big deal over it. It just seems that this is a much more logical holiday to start with then say Christmas.

Any insite would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:05pm
I personally think your feelings are justified. A year is enough time to be included in your partners family. Have you spent much time getting to know his family? Is there a reason to suspect that they are being protective of their little boy and don't want to include you or is it all him? Tell him that it means a lot to you to get to know his family? If you are planning to move in together then this is a serious relationship and you should be able to share everything together. Hope this helps!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:51pm
Have you two talked about moving in because you're talking openly about commitment and marriage?

Or have you two briefly and very vaguely discussed "moving in together".

Lots of people move in together that don't want commitment in terms of the future. What they want is "more daily of what they have right now with you" - ease, convenience, benefits, support, security, and a person to spend time with...they're not looking to share their life with you by cohabitation - they're looking to spend more time as it benefits them by cohabitation.

There's a huge difference.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:56pm
No, we have talked about marriage and such. We don't really see each other being with anyone else and think in a few years that will come. I have mentioned having "a ring" before we moved in.

We are not religious (as in my previous post) and are not taking that aspect into consideration. And I honestly only wrote that in attempts to descibe the relationship.

He and I will talk more about it tonight, as I believe that there are compromises to be had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:59pm
Well, something to consider is that you can't "read" things into actions - at least not all the time.

His standard and definition of a great relationship with his partner may easily NEVER have included having them involved with his parents as an "equal" to him in their eyes. He might easily have always known that he was always going to, meaning he never did overmuch before, involve his girlfriends with his parents. And he's not going to have his future wife there either...that's "his" parents nad "his" happy place" and his definition of having a great partnered relationship don't involve her being included in his family.

It sounds nuts..but not everybody, in fact very few, people hold the standard "American traditional Norman Rockwell" definition of "great family life."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com