Exhausted mentally, physically, morally and financially
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|Fri, 09-13-2013 - 4:31pm|
My hubby and I have been married for 5 years now. We have a 1 year old daughter. A very cute loving one too. We had a great first year. I was naive and innocent. He was very loving.
- Since I earn more than him, he said I should take care of all the bills and he will save for our future. So I did. He said that he will do the cooking and I can do the cleaning. So I did. He said he has money to start his own company, but is short of 10K. So I let him borrow money on my name. He said he will save for our baby. So I let myself to have a cute daughter. He bought the most expensive cars and always convinced me that he had 'extra' money for these things and it came from his business shining. He led a very lavish life. The responsible person in me always never let myself lead that life. So my friends and everyone started seeing this distinction. I used to get questions such as: "Why this for him and not for you?" To me, it didn't matter because I thought it was difference in personality. I never valued a lavish life.
Now 5 years later, I am left with paying all the bills, doing all the chores at home, being the sole breadwinner of my family. The worst part is: my husband keeps demeaning the work I do. He has said statements like "What is the big deal in paying all the bills?", "So what if you are the one to keep the garbage can outside?" "It's on your way to office, why is it so difficult to give the cars for servicing (and pay for it)?" "So you are successful at work. That's only because I asked you to focus on work."
Right now, he does not have a work or a work permit in the US. He cannot work until my work permit situation is fixed and as my dependant, he will get his visa to work. I am waiting for mine to clear. Perhaps it will take another 6 months. He does not speak about these things to anybody. I went ahead against his wish and informed both my parents and his that he lost a job. He got very furious with me and put holes in 2 walls in the house. He does nothing at home, except see TV all day.
We are not talking to each other anymore since this incident. The whole house is a deserted haunted place. This is affecting my daughter. She cries a lot and clings on to me like I am going to leave her. I can see 'fear' seaping into her personality. She is afraid to do anything now. She is behind on her milestones, just because I don't have time to take care of her. He shows her the television all the time. I don't have money to send her to daycare. The worst part is he sees Gangster, Murder stories, etc in front of my 1 year old daughter.
Everytime I think of leaving him, I am afraid of how I will face the world as a single mom and how my daughter's life will get affected. I also think if I should wait another 6 months, get the visa and then leave him. So it doesn't look like I am not there for him when he is having a helpless visa situation. I trusted him and I feel betrayed. I don't wish for him to think the same about me!
At the moment, I feel completely drained out. I am busy all day working at office, busy all evenings trying to make dinner, do chores and take care of my daughter and busy all nights paying bills and checking and re-checking finances. I have lost my sleep, just get the min. amount done to stay alive. My credit score is at it's worst now.
I don't know what this forum thinks of me or my situation. I just wanted to see if you were me, what would your advice to me be. Thank you for reading my sorrow story.